Single and lonely or booed up and frustrated? Have your pick.
Good news for singletons on the hunt for their happily ever after — those friends of yours who post relentlessly about their significant other are more often than not settling into their relationships.
A new survey from MyIQ revealed that one in three adults believes they settled for their current romantic partner.
Analyzing data from over 4,000 US lovers, experts found that 33% of respondents feel they have compromised their standards when choosing a mate. Conversely, 28% believe their partner settled for them.
Yikes.
And to make matters worse, women were more likely than men to believe they settled, 35% versus 31%.
“When we talk about ‘settling,’ we are usually referring to a situation where someone overrides core values, long-term needs, or a genuine sense of emotional or physical attraction in order to stay in a relationship,” psychologist Danielle Roeske of Newport Healthcare, told The Post.
She notes that this sacrifice creates a persistent feeling that something critical is missing, even if the relationship appears stable.
Roeske believes socialization and imbalances in emotional labor contribute to this gender discrepancy.
“Women are often socialized to be more emotionally attuned and introspective, which can lead them to evaluate the quality of their relationships more closely over time,” she said.
In partnerships, women tend to be more responsible for communication, conflict resolution, and maintaining connections.
“Carrying that responsibility can heighten awareness of imbalance and contribute to the feeling of having settled,” the expert explained.
According to the data, young adults aged 25 to 34 were most likely to report doubts about long-term compatibility, with 41% saying they had questioned whether they had chosen the right partner.
Roeske said this questioning is normal, as personal growth accelerates during this age range, and individuals assess whether their relationships are in line with their own becoming.
This uptick is indicative of changing standards and expectations around long-term partnership, for better and for worse.
“On the positive side, we are more willing to end a relationship that is unhealthy, unfulfilling, or an impediment to our growth,” she said.
“This questioning is not necessarily a sign that something is wrong, but rather an indication that the individual is actively engaging in self-reflection and evaluating alignment over time.”
She adds that we live in a culture of comparison, in which young adults are inundated with messages about what their lives should or could be like.
“This can most definitely influence one’s feelings about dating and how their partner measures up.”
In contrast to younger generations, the survey found that older adults, aged 45 and up, are the least likely to feel they have settled.
According to Roeske, this age-related drop in doubt reflects an increased sense of self, a deeper understanding of relationship needs, and more rooted, less reactive decision-making.
“There is also typically greater emotional regulation and acceptance, which allows individuals to navigate imperfections in a relationship without immediately interpreting them as signs that they chose the wrong partner.”
If your gut is telling you the person you’re dating isn’t the one, Roesky told The Post that it is possible to address “settling” without ending the relationship, but direct and honest conversations are a prerequisite for change.
“This may also involve redistributing responsibilities, rebuilding emotional intimacy, and creating more intentional connections. When both partners are willing to engage in that process, the relationship can shift from a sense of passive acceptance to one of active, mutual investment and fulfillment.”
However, Roseke notes that there is a marked difference between normal relationship anxiety and a genuine mismatch.
“When individuals feel exhausted by dating apps, inconsistent communication, or repeated disappointment, their priorities can shift from finding true compatibility to simply finding relief from the process,” she said.
“Paying attention to repeated patterns, rather than isolated doubts, can help to distinguish between the two,” she explained.
Read the full article here
