The Big Apple’s cost of living is a real supervillain!
Spider-Man couldn’t afford to live in New York City in real life — as sky-high 2026 prices and unaffordable real estate would force the web slinger to live like a friendly neighborhood homeless man, experts said.
Peter Parker would have to find an uncool corner of Astoria, Queens — where he seems to live in “Spider-Man: Brand New Day,” while Aunt May’s comic book home in Forest Hills would cost millions, a property expert told The Post.
“That is a hot area in Forest Hills,” said Kayla Lee, an associate real estate broker at Serhant about the Ingram Street home near the Jackie Robinson Parkway where Parker lived with his aunt in the comic books.
“That block is now selling for $1,200 a foot or above, so the pricing, depending on the size, are approximately $2.5-to-4 million,” Lee added.
Either way too it’ll cut into the spider-purse as the cost of living is way too much for a pro bono crimefighter whose day jobs are delivering pizzas and working part-time as a photographer for the local paper.
Hopefully May got good death benefits from Uncle Ben.
She and Peter would need $300K “at a minimum” to afford a 30-year mortgage at the charming home — one which Lee said would come without big homeowner association fees.
Lee feels the more realistic nabe for Spidey would be trendy Astoria, which the Marvel Cinematic Universe shifted as a setting and newer home for the recent Tom Holland franchise films.
Spider-Man still would neither be in the lap of luxury nor a hip area. He would likely find a budget studio far from the N/W trains above bustling 31st Street, instead going closer to the East River near Hallets Cove along Vernon Boulevard, the broker added.
He could pull a modest $1,800 abode, and if web travel to Manhattan and the other boroughs doesn’t cut it, Spider-Man could park a car for a monthly $250.
“Although it’s going to be very affordable, it’s not always going to fly [off the market] so quickly because it’s cheap for a reason,” Lee said of the area. “So it might be a lower level. It might have a blocked window.”
It’s not just housing costs either. The cost of living in the Big Apple could be a nemesis more threatening than the Sinister Six put together even outside of housing.
“He would have to make $150,000,” billionaire John Catsimatidis told The Post of the Web Head living comfortably while he tries to make ends meet.
The Gristedes supermarket CEO added that just groceries and related costs alone come out to about $125 a day for the hero of box-office smash hit “Brand New Day.”
When off the clock, Peter Parker has been known to work jobs like delivering pizzas and picking up freelance photojournalism gigs for the fictional Daily Bugle.
Indeed lists a Domino’s delivery job in Queens for about $17 an hour, which on 40-hour weeks would total at a meager $35,360. ZipRecruiter notes that part-time photographers in the Big Apple can rake in around $46,327 annually.
If Peter were to have both gigs routinely, he would make well under that $150,000 mark at an estimated $81,687 — likely hoping his wealthy dear pal Harry Osborn would take him in.
Realistically, Parker would be moonlighting to mop up street thugs and not be taking extra hours at work.
Catsimatidis doesn’t think the Web Slinger would have much time for side hustles at all, as the political critic took a dig at city crime.
“I think that he’ll be very busy — and he has to be very careful when he’s crossing the streets,” the CEO said. “Maybe he’ll go to Miami. He’ll be safer.”
One positive is that Spider-Man would likely be able to swing into the city and dodge the new $9 congestion pricing toll that drivers have to pay to enter around Midtown.
But Parker’s spider sense would be tingling with other annoyances too.
A high-quality internet plan from Spectrum for the tech genius with loads of hardware would also run him an extra $60 per month.
The big snafu for Tom Holland’s 20-something Spider-Man on the big screen is that superhero in solitude passed up an MIT education for the greater good in “No Way Home,” which could hurt his credit in closing a deal.
“I think the rental buildings are going to be way more strict, especially when they have the income guidelines. They’re going to just do a generic credit run,” Lee said.
However, the grateful people of Queens looking to rent a floor of their home could stick up for Spidey, she added, also saying that he would still be on a tightly fixed income even with a good bargain.
“When you meet some of these Astoria property owners, if there’s a connection and they like you and they see that you’re hustling, I think there’s landlords who would definitely work with somebody to get a renter.”
“If he came in his full suit, I think a lot of realtors would be excited. I know I would, to work with Spider-Man.”
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