There’s a lot of pressure that comes with going on a first date — and it can either go really well or terribly bad.
If you often experience the latter — the reason for it is that in today’s digital dating world, experts say curiosity is dead.
“Curiosity is where the spark lives,” Alexandra Solomon, a psychologist and author who teaches at Northwestern University and specializes in relationships, told Vox in an interview.
Nowadays, with access to the world at our fingertips, so many people feel the need to research their date before they ever meet them in real life.
Making sure your Wednesday night date isn’t a criminal is normal — but stalking their social media to learn where they went on vacation with their family last Christmas and knowing where their brother’s ex-girlfriend works leaves nothing to the imagination.
“You also don’t want to build an idea of someone in your mind and be disappointed if they don’t live up to the hype you’ve created,” Anna Morgenstern, a matchmaker and dating expert, told the outlet.
“If you’re looking for an ick on a potential date, you’ll find one and the date will be pretty boring if you’ve already found out everything about them,” she explained.
It’s important to leave something to the imagination so you have questions to ask and new things to talk about once you’re on the first date.
In addition to vetting your date prior, there are a few first date mistakes most people make — without even realizing it.
Dr. Terri Orbuch, PhD, a relationship expert at DatingAdvice.com told the Daily Mail that people share too much about themselves when first meeting someone.
“On a first date, you want to leave them interested and wanting more,” she said.
And stop fixating on whether there is immediate chemistry or not.
“This is an unrealistic expectation and only typically happens in the movies. Chemistry and attraction can grow over time as you get to know someone,” Orbuch explained.
A third mistake is negatively discussing your past relationships. Everyone has baggage, but “on first dates, people are attracted to daters who are positive, optimistic, and hopeful,” the expert told the outlet.
“You don’t want to share why previous relationships didn’t work and what isn’t going well right now in your life.”
Also, make sure not to talk about yourself too much with your potential suitor.
“You want to gather information about the other person and women are particularly attracted to people who ask questions and are interested in them,” Orbuch said.
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