How someone chooses to parent their kids is a very personal choice — however, sometimes a little help from experts can go a long way, like how to get your little ones to actually listen to you.
Child psychologist Reem Raouda revealed the phrases parents should consider adding to their vocabulary to get their kids to behave — and which ones to avoid.
“Because I said so” has been coming out of parents’ mouths since forever — and Raouda says it’s not effective at all.
“‘Because I said so’ shuts down communication and teaches blind obedience,” she explained in a CNBC article.
Instead, she advised parents to say, “I know you don’t like this decision. I’ll explain, and then we’re moving forward.”
Simple, yet effective.
“You’re not debating or negotiating — you’re modeling respectful leadership,” the expert said. “This phrasing acknowledges their feelings and reinforces that you’re in charge in a calm, grounded way.”
Another popular tactic used by frustrated parents is making a threat by saying, “If you don’t listen, you’ll lose [X privilege].”
“When you’re ready to do [X specific behavior], we can do [X desired activity],” is different verbiage but achieves the outcome you want, according to the expert.
“This phrase shifts the power dynamic: It keeps your boundary firm while giving your child agency over when they’re ready to meet it. You’re not removing the limit — you’re removing the struggle,” she said in the article.
Undermining your little one’s feelings by saying, “Stop it, you’re fine,” is another no-no.
“Dismissing a child’s emotions teaches them that their feelings are wrong or too much to handle. Emotional invalidation leads to disconnection, and disconnected kids don’t cooperate,” Raouda said.
“When a child feels heard, they calm down faster — and trust you more.”
In addition to these ineffective, toxic phrases — another parenting style experts want you to stop doing to your kids is “ego parenting.”
“Ego parenting is when a parent is parenting from their own need to feel good, right, in control, or validated,” mental health therapist Cheryl Groskopf told Pop Sugar.
“It’s less about supporting the child’s growth and more about protecting the parent’s image or feelings.”
If you’re scratching your head wondering what this type of parenting looks like — examples of it are refuding to back down in an argument, never apoligizing, saying things like “Because I’m the adult” and pushing young kids into doing activities they don’t want to do solely for the sake of appearances.
“They [children] often internalize the belief that love is conditional — that they’re only worthy when they perform, behave, or feel a certain way,” Dr. Caroline Fenkel, an expert in adolescent mental health, told the outlet.
As a result, this parenting style can lead to anxiety, perfectionism, low self-esteem and a fear of failure.
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