- NYC nannies face a ‘surveillance state’ as moms anonymously monitor and shame them on social media groups.
- Posts on groups like Moms of the Upper East Side detail infractions, from minor to serious, sparking debate.
- Melissa Nelson, a former nanny, blames anonymous posts for increased shaming and privacy invasion.
Big mother is watching.
For nannies, New York City has become a surveillance state. Random moms — not just those they work for — are increasingly monitoring their every move on the playground and city streets. They’re tattling on their behavior in anonymous Facebook posts on groups like the Moms of the Upper East Side (MUES) and Stroller Patrol, a site dedicated to child safety.
“So many days I’m like, ‘Oh my God, this is ridiculous,’” said Amanda Theresa, who has five children and runs a boutique household staffing agency. “The way I’ve seen some moms shade nannies is ridiculous. Being a nanny is a hard job, and these moms have absurd expectations.”
The posts document infractions ranging from genuinely worrisome — a child appearing to be abused or neglected — to seemingly minor or even petty, though it’s all a matter of personal opinion. Tone is also a matter of interpretation.
An anonymous post last week on MUES sounded the alarm about a nanny’s street-crossing, though it was unclear if she was with one of her young charges when observed.
“If your nanny came to work today wearing light grey leggings and a brown crop top with her hair in a bun and was walking on 64th street, please have a conversation with her,” it read. “She crossed 3 streets without looking up from her phone. I’m also on my phone as a mom, but not while crossing the street let alone 3 streets. Accidents only take a second to happen!”
The social media surveillance comes amidst a larger trend of more monitoring of children — and childcare providers. More and more parents are putting Apple AirTags on their kids or in their backpacks and strollers to keep track of their whereabouts. In 2024, the nanny cam market was estimated to be worth $1.5 billion, according to Market Report Analytics, with 10% compound annual growth forecast for the next several years.
Melissa Nelson, who worked as a nanny for 22 years before starting her own agency serving the tri-state area, said she’s never seen as much nanny shaming as she does now. She blames the rise of anonymous posts in Facebook groups — a feature that Meta rolled out during the pandemic and has become increasingly popular.
She also believes that some parents became more fussy and neurotic in the wake of the pandemic, after spending years in lockdown with their young children always near.
“I don’t remember nannies being shamed quite like this before,” said Nelson. “When I see [these posts], I just think in my own head, ‘Shouldn’t you be watching your own kids instead of taking photos of other people’s nannies?’”
She added “If you really feel like a child is being threatened you should call the authorities instead of posting it.”
Nelson also believes that the posts are an invasion of privacy, as many feature a surreptitious photo of the offending nanny. A Stroller Patrol report from last fall showed an older middle-aged woman holding a container of food while sitting on a bench with a stroller in Central Park. “I saw a lady being extremely rude with with the kid and also she was eating his food and sharing the child’s spoon,” it noted.
A recent MUES post showed a nanny wearing headphones and straddling a pushchair on the playground. The Facebook jury was quick to criticize the practice.
“Hell no next time tell her to get her fat a– out of that baby’s stroller!” wrote an anonymous commenter.
Many parents welcome having watchdogs and express gratitude for these posts gratefully in the comments.
A State Island mom who has a 13 and 14-year-old told The Post that she wished she’d had people looking out for her kids when they were younger.
“I think nannies that are inattentive and are doing something dangerous should definitely be called out,” she told The Post. “When my kids were small I would have loved to have gotten a warning like this.”
On the other side, Nelson said, “I think if I was working as a nanny right now I would be scared … Everybody is just at each other’s throats.”
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