When Sarah went back to work and her husband Mitch became the stay-at-home parent, she didn’t expect to have to justify it as often as she does.
The Adelaide mom is met with sympathy, her husband with praise and both of them cop opinions that belong back in 1963.
She’s sick of it.
“I couldn’t do that”
Every day, Sarah clocks in, managing her mortgage broking business, while Mitch mans the fort as a stay-at-home dad to their two kids: Bowie, four, and Albi, six months.
“When people say, ‘Oh, I couldn’t do that.’… that is so hurtful as a mom,” Sarah told Kidspot.
The decision for Mitch to stay at home wasn’t groundbreaking. It was practical.
“It was a natural progression. It just made sense for our family,” she said.
When Sarah got pregnant with Albi, Mitch had been working part-time as a commercial carpenter. It allowed Sarah to launch her business which quickly skyrocketed to success.
“When I got pregnant, it was just sort of like, okay, we’ll make the decision that I’ll go back to work and you’ll stay home. It just worked,” she explained
“We don’t ever get praised for mundane mom life”
But their decision made one thing painfully clear: the gender role reversal wasn’t as accepted as they’d hoped.
The jokes rolled in, the criticism came thick and fast, and the compliments always had a sting in their tail.
“My husband gets sort of the butt of the jokes from his friends. You know, you have to ask Sarah ‘are you allowed to go out today?’” she explained.
Sarah says what they’re doing works for them and that should be enough.
“It doesn’t need an explanation. Mitch is a great dad. Full stop. That’s a full sentence.”
But Mitch also receives praise for doing the bare minimum. Tasks most mothers complete daily without recognition.
“The amount of people that praise him for doing mundane tasks is unbelievable,” she said.
“We don’t ever get praised for mundane mom life.”
“All of his friends are at work”
Even the weekly routine felt gendered, with most daytime activities clearly geared towards moms.
“We’ve noticed that there is actually really nothing for men or male stay-at-home parents to do during the week that aren’t female-based is one of the things we’ve noticed,” Sarah said.
“He is bored s—less because all of his friends are at work.”
And while Sarah might be the one bringing home the income, that doesn’t mean her maternal responsibilities disappear.
She still carries the invisible every other mom does. The maternal nature is still strong.
““I still am constantly thinking, do we have diapers? Do we have wipes? When’s our next doctor’s appointment? Have I booked Bowie in for X, Y, and Z? When does dance start? Does Auskick start?” she shared.
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For Sarah, it all comes back to showing her kids that there’s no one way to be a family and no shame in choosing a path that works.
“We’re just a normal working-class family,” Sarah added.
“Maybe one day, this will just be normal and no one will talk about it because it’s just business as usual.”
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