Some newlyweds look forward to ripping open a pile of cash-filled envelopes from their guests post-wedding, secretly hoping to recoup some of the thousands they shelled out for their big day.
Not Melissa Reinecke and her now-husband Dan, who explicitly told their guests to come empty-handed to their 2023 nuptials.
“Don’t even bother,” they told guests, “with gifts.”
The happy couple represents a growing group of almost-married Americans going hard on gift-free weddings. In fact, according to the wedding-planning platform Joy, the number of registered couples who decline gifts has roughly doubled in the past year.
In the words of one West Village bride, who begged to be anonymous — “We don’t want your c–p.”
Sure, registries and honeymoon slush funds are still the norm. But instead of being grabbier than the tunnel hands in Labyrinth, many couples are nixing the usual gift in envelope or registries that are often stacked with mortgage-busting Frette linens ($1,600) and KitchenAid mixers ($450).
“We know how expensive it is for flights, hotels, Ubers and rentals,” Mrs. Reineke, a 36-year-old marketing executive based in Atlanta, told The Post. “We just wanted their gift to be coming, making it there and celebrating with us.”
It’s a far cry from the traditional wedding wisdom that assumes whatever cash is spent on the big event can be recovered in the form of guest gifts.
But this has led to some pernicious urban legends like the “cover your plate” rule, which says you should aim to spend as much on a gift as the couple does on your meal. (The “rule” does not explain how this is supposed to go, unless the happy couple lists prices on their invites like a takeout menu.)
Couples who turn down the chance for a new charcuterie board argue that forgoing wedding gifts actually does them a favor.
“We’re both grown adults,” said a bride named Jessica, whose older aunts were insistent on buying the couple kitchen items, “as though we hadn’t lived with our kitchen ourselves for a long time.”
“We did not want anything, and also we got married in Sweden. We both knew that asking people to come here was already ‘a thing.’”
When Bailey Cypheridge, 29, and Jocelyn Simone Rhude, 40, married last year in Sonoma, Calif., they feared that wedding gifts would create unneeded clutter.
“We didn’t need home stuff,” said Rhude, a music manager. “We already lived together!”
In a charming reversal, Cypheridge and Rhude gave gifts to their guests instead of accepting them for themselves, passing out “merch” like concert posters, sweatshirts and hats.
The gesture was well-received. To put it mildly: “People were fighting over it,” said Cypheridge, the daughter of music legend Melissa Etheridge.
Perhaps Cypheridge even inspired Taylor Swift at her own July wedding, where guests were reportedly held to an ironclad “absolutely no gifts” policy.
Like Cypheridge and Rhude, Taylor and Travis showered their attendees with gifts, including $10,000 Chanel and Christian Dior handbags, and $25,000 Cartier watches.
But what does the etiquette say?
“It’s ridiculous to think you have to give a couple a wedding gift. You absolutely do not,” says Jen Glantz, the founder of Bridesmaid for Hire, who often helps people navigate these ambiguous wedding expectations.
“If someone invites you to their wedding, it’s assumed they can afford to have you there or at least they should be able to. You shouldn’t stress about giving a monetary gift that’s equal to what they’re spending to include you in their celebration.”
Currently, the Emily Post Institute, a site on etiquette, recommends giving something to every couple, but assures wedding guests that it can be as simple as a nice box of tea and a card, instead of a platinum-engraved china set from Tiffany & Co.
But that advice doesn’t fly with everyone.
On Reddit, disappointed couples rant about guests who don’t “pay up” for their wedding experience. “Personally, I’d be mortified to show up to a wedding without cash [or] a check covering my meal,” wrote one bride. “I almost feel like when you RSVP and accept that invite, you should understand that it’ll cost a bit.”
“My in-laws came empty-handed at our own wedding,” said another. “I still feel sad for my husband because he has nothing from them to remember that day… and they always say they love us and bless us, blah blah.”
A mega-viral post asking “Is it okay for me to be upset?” came from an anonymous bride who was crestfallen that, according to her, 70% of her guests didn’t bring a gift to her big day.
Maybe that’s because her guests were already broke from attending her function.
The average cost of simply attending a wedding has ballooned to $610 per person, according to a study conducted by the wedding website The Knot.
And that’s nothing compared to the endless expenses of being a bridesmaid or the maid of honor, like bridal showers, bachelorette parties, theme outfits for various wedding events, professionally done hair and makeup — all of which feel like both a financial burden and a gift in itself.
“I’ve spent upwards of $2000 between dress, airfare and hotel,” a Gen Z wedding-goer who preferred to remain anonymous told The Post. “To add a gift on top? Feels a bit excessive.”
In 2022, Olympia Rizzo, 39, a former fashion publicist and confessed “shy bride,” opted for a small, tasteful reception at the Knickerbocker Club in New York City. Her vision of a close-knit, intimate wedding included freeing her friends from any expectations of gifts altogether.
“I know what it’s like, spending all of your money in your 20s and 30s on weddings. It doesn’t matter how much you make; it’s really still wiser to invest those hundred dollars versus buying a gift,” she said.
“It really rubs me the wrong way when [couples] say that you can have a destination wedding and it saves you so much money,” said Mary Greenberg, 30, a teacher from Philadelphia who is attending seven weddings over the next year, straining her normal budget — not to mention her meager vacation time.
“What they really mean is that ‘I, the bride, will be saving a lot of money.’ But you’re only saving money by passing the costs on to your guests.”
Greenberg noted that she was currently “exhausted” trying to find a reasonably priced gift on the exorbitant registry of a much wealthier couple who did not need their contribution.
“They have really wealthy family members who would want to spend like $500 to $1,000 on a gift,” she sighed. “For us, the only gift options were hand towels.”
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