Like many single women her age, Katie Nguyen, 36, is ready to find love and settle down.
The Los Angeles resident has a list of attributes she hopes she can find in a potential beau. Kind, caring — and most importantly, lives alone without roommates.
In her opinion, this is not an excessive ask at all.
“I am at a point in life where I’ve been renting for a while and I’m actively on a search to buy a home,” Nguyen, who’s been living alone since her junior year of college, told The Post.
“Ideally, I would want the person I’m dating to feel like they’re at that stage too.”
Nguyen is not alone. Paulette Agu, host of the popular Petty Party Podcast, waded in too.
“If a man doesn’t have his own place, I’m not dealing with him. I’m not dealing with a man with a roommate either. It’s a heavy no for me because I need you to be on your own, fully. I need to see it,” she insisted on a recent episode.
And Reddit, TikTok and Instagram posts addressing the thorny topic have racked up thousands of comments, with women debating whether a roommate situation is a practical reality of expensive cities — or a sign that someone hasn’t reached the level of independence they’re looking for.
But as the cost of living spirals across the US — especially in populous states like New York and California — Nguyen and Agu’s desires for self-sufficient men, not even a particularly rich one, have sparked furious backlash.
Specifically from the men — with roommates — themselves, who have waded in to defend their living situations.
“I am so happy with my roommate, I love my money saved,” protested one.
“I make $200k and still have a roommate,” another objected. “Had my own spot and was like for what? Might as well live with bro til one of us get in a serious relationship.”
“Well I live with my parents because I take care of them…” argued one more. “I also travel a lot for work so no point in paying rent for a home I won’t be in…”
But for the women who take the opposite view, they insist it’s the bare minimum.
For Nguyen, a West Coast recruiter and content creator, the question isn’t simply “whether someone has a roommate” — it’s whether they are intentionally “making choices about their future.”
“It’s really about independence and whether someone is compatible with the independent life I’ve built,” she explained. “Me living alone is not only just a preference, [but] it’s the way that I protect my own peace.”
However, if they want to find love, single women may need to adjust their dating criteria, because, unfortunately, men choose to live with roommates longer than women do, according to Diggz, a New York City-based roommate marketplace.
And the median male roommate-seeker in New York is 26 compared to 24 for women, while the nationwide median age is 28 for men versus 26 for women.
When Rany Burstein, CEO of Diggz, was in his late 20s and single, he felt a ton of pressure to live alone — but now regrets it.
“I wanted to show potential girlfriends that I was successful and had my life together,” Burstein told The Post.
But he believes that mindset has changed as housing costs have skyrocketed, arguing that roommates can “sometimes be a sign of financial responsibility rather than failure.”
Fast forward to now, Burstein told The Post, giving up roommates to impress women wasn’t worth it because it could have helped him save more money for investments and a home purchase.
New York City denizen Ciara O’Reilly, 23, understands why some women see a potential suitor living solo as appealing.
“If someone I’m dating lives alone, it shows independence and financial security,” O’Reilly told The Post. “It’s also nice to have a place to go with a date that is private.”
She added that living on her own has made her “feel more mature,” and “therefore inspired to hold my standards higher.”
The Gen Zer has dated men living with roommates in the past and says her experiences with that arrangement now make her reconsider whether potential suitors are worth her time.
“It does make me think twice as to whether or not I actually like this person,” she said.
Still, she stressed that living alone is not a foolproof sign someone is ready for commitment, and having roommates doesn’t always mean someone isn’t.
“I know many men who live alone who aren’t ready for a serious relationship and vice versa,” she said.
Tampa dweller Cassie Leigh, 31, thinks the issue comes down to a different concern for her: not wanting to inherit someone else’s housing complications.
Leigh, who has lived independently since graduating high school, prefers dating someone without roommates because she values having her own space.
“If I’m dating someone and I’m spending time at their place, I’m absolutely not going to enjoy having to readapt the lifestyle that I’ve built for myself,” she said. “I’m dating the guy, not his roommates.”
Her opinion was shaped by past experiences, including one relationship where a roommate situation eventually forced her and her partner to temporarily move in with his parents after the roommate became sick.
She also said a separate roommate issue involving them bringing bedbugs into the home created additional stress and expenses.
“For anyone who thinks this preference is too picky or unrealistic, I think once you are displaced because of your significant other’s roommate’s lack of consideration, you would probably feel differently,” Leigh said.
She added, “Anyone who is over 30 and can’t afford their own bills is a massive red flag for me.”
“It makes me wonder what they’re spending their money on, and if they can’t make good financial choices now, they probably won’t when we’re dating either.”
Read the full article here
