Dating used to be about finding “the one.”
Now, for some Gen Z singles, it’s about getting in their reps.
A growing number of young New Yorkers and Zoomers nationwide are admitting they’re going on “practice dates” with potential suitors they don’t find attractive — all in the name of becoming better daters.
Think of it as emotional cardio.
Instead of holding out for a dream match on Hinge, some singles are swiping right on people they wouldn’t normally pursue and meeting up for low-stakes drinks, coffee dates or casual walks around the city.
The goal is simple: sharpen flirting skills, build confidence, overcome dating anxiety, and learn how to navigate awkward conversations before someone they’re genuinely excited about comes along.
After all, many argue that when you’re sitting across from someone you’re wildly attracted to, nerves can take over — making it harder to be yourself and easier to fumble what could have been a great connection.
Christina Psaras, 26, of Chicago, says wanting to go on “practice dates” with men she might not be fully attracted to is a natural response to the exhausting realities of app dating.
With an endless stream of profiles, messages and matches at their fingertips, singles can burn out faster than ever — making it easier to put “sky-high expectations on every first date.”
That’s why Psaras has adopted a different mindset.
“Going on a ‘practice date’ with someone who isn’t really your type helps you let go of unrealistic expectations for a date,” she told The Post.
“It lowers the bar, and you’re less likely to project fantasies onto the person.”
And it’s hardly a new concept.
For decades, friends, parents and well-meaning relatives have urged singles to go on dates they weren’t entirely excited about — if only for the experience, or to get a little “practice.”
Remember when Carrie Fisher’s character kept pulling eligible bachelors from her Rolodex for Meg Ryan in “When Harry Met Sally”?
And, long before Bumble prompts and Tinder swipes, the women of “Sex and the City” were enduring a seemingly endless parade of mediocre dates, bad setups and “he seemed nice enough” dinners — proof that New Yorkers have long viewed dating as a skill honed through repetition.
The difference is that today’s daters are doing it more intentionally — and talking about it openly online.
As dating burnout, loneliness and app fatigue continue to plague young singles, some Gen Zers appear to be approaching romance the same way they approach job interviews, public speaking and workouts: “practice makes perfect.”
And naturally, not every suitor in the rotation is going to spark attraction.
On social media, the “practice dates” movement has its cheerleaders, including NYC dating creator Serena Kerrigan.
“You should be going on dates — even with guys you’re not super attracted to,” Kerrigan said in a viral video about the trend.
But Kerrigan told The Post that the phrase “practice date” often gets misunderstood.
“I actually think the phrase ‘practice date’ gets a bad rap because it makes it sound like you’re using someone. That’s not what I’m talking about at all,” she said.
“Until you meet someone in real life, you have no idea whether you’re attracted to them. A photo can’t capture the way someone carries themselves or their ability to make you laugh until you snort. A profile is not a person.”
The author of the upcoming book “Let’s F–king Date” said many singles dismiss potential matches too quickly based on a handful of photos and prompts.
“We’ve all had the experience of seeing a profile and thinking, ‘Not for me,’ only to meet them and realize they’re magnetic, hilarious, or exactly the kind of person who makes you forget your phone exists,” she said.
“That’s why I’m a huge believer in saying yes to dates even when you’re not immediately convinced.”
Kerrigan argues that lower-pressure dates can actually help people show up more authentically.
“When you’re ‘meh’ about someone, you stop performing. You stop editing yourself. You just exist as yourself,” she said.
“That version of you, unbothered and unfiltered, is your most attractive self by a mile. The goal is to bottle that and bring it to the dates that actually make you nervous.”
In other words, when there’s less pressure for sparks to fly, there’s less temptation to imagine a future before the appetizers arrive.
Instead, she says, “practice dates” can help people evaluate matches for who they actually are — not who they hope they’ll become.
The approach can also soften the blow of dating disappointments.
“There have been so many times where my friends and I have encouraged each other to go on more dates for ‘practice.’ Doing that can actually teach you what you want romantically,” Psaras said.
She argued that even a forgettable date can offer useful intel about what qualities truly matter in a partner.
Psaras relatably says the people who make her the most nervous are often the ones she’s most attracted to.
“The more I’m attracted to someone, the more I realize I start lying,” she admitted.
Not “big lies,” she clarified, but the small acts of self-editing and embellishing many daters fall into when they’re desperate to impress — “agreeing a little too quickly,” “toning down” parts of their personality or “trying to become someone’s ideal match.”
That’s exactly why she’s a believer in lower-stakes dating.
For Psaras, the point isn’t to use people as romantic guinea pigs.
It’s to “stop treating every date like a make-or-break event” and start viewing it as a chance to learn something — whether about a potential partner or yourself.
The strategy may sound clever, but experts say there’s a fine line between building dating skills and treating potential partners like practice dummies.
“Going on ‘practice dates’ can be healthy from a skill-building perspective,” Dr. Debra Kissen, a clinical psychologist and founder of Light On Anxiety Treatment Centers, told The Post.
“Dating is a social skill, and like any skill, confidence often grows through practice.”
Still, she cautioned that confidence-building shouldn’t come at someone else’s expense.
“It’s important not to treat other people as pawns in your own self-improvement journey,” Kissen said.
Instead, she encourages singles to approach dates with curiosity rather than calculation.
“A healthier mindset is: ‘This person may not be my usual type, but this could still be a positive experience. I may learn something, enjoy a conversation, or even make a new friend [if we don’t work out romantically].’”
Kissen said the benefits of “practice dating” largely stem from repeated social exposure, which can reduce anxiety and help people become more comfortable in face-to-face interactions.
Problems arise, she noted, when dating becomes overly transactional, and people begin viewing matches as tools rather than human beings.
She believes the trend speaks to something bigger than romance.
“The popularity of ‘practice dates’ reflects a broader reality. We’re living in an era marked by social isolation, disconnection, and loneliness,” she said.
“In that sense, the trend may be less about dating itself and more about a generation trying to regain a sense of social ease and connection.”
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