DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for 28 years but have not been intimate with my wife for the last eight of them. It all came to a halt when we prioritized raising our (four) children. We had been intimate on a regular basis for 20 years until it slowly faded and then stopped.
I have tried pretty much everything and had many conversations with my wife; nothing has changed. I haven’t tried counseling because I don’t think she would go for it. Any advice? I feel like I’m out of options. I don’t want to stray, but I feel I’m being pulled to do so. — LESS HAPPY IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR LESS HAPPY: Tell your wife that eight years is long enough for a married man to remain celibate, and ask which she would prefer — marriage counseling or a divorce. Cheating is not the answer. There are remedies for a lapsed libido, but none can be explored if the two of you aren’t communicating.
DEAR ABBY: My son is getting married next year. He and his future wife are extremely religious. My daughter (his sister) is also engaged — to a wonderful woman. Because of my daughter’s lesbian relationship, my son does not plan to invite his sister’s fiancee to the wedding, saying their values don’t align. (If he didn’t feel obligated, he wouldn’t invite his sister either.) I am devastated by this. This is disrespectful to my daughter and her fiancee. What are your thoughts? — DIVIDED MOM IN NEW YORK
DEAR MOM: I am sorry for your pain. My “thought” is that your son’s religious convictions have already created a rift in the family. Of course this is disrespectful to his sister and her fiancee, but this is how your son intends to live the rest of his life. Personally, I think your daughter should politely refuse the invitation if she receives one. Looking forward, you must prepare to socialize separately with her and her future wife and their friends, who will comprise their “chosen” family.
DEAR ABBY: I’m about a month away from officially adopting my 7-year-old great-niece. I adopted her half-brother 10 years ago. Her mother passed away last year. Her father is in prison and will remain there until she is past 18.
I’d like to change her middle name, but I’m worried she’ll resent me for it down the road. Her first name wouldn’t change, and her last name is already the same as mine. Her middle name isn’t a very sophisticated one. She keeps changing her mind about wanting to change it. What should I do? I want to set her up for success later in life. — GREAT-AUNT IN COLORADO
DEAR GREAT-AUNT: Tell your great-niece that because she is ambivalent about changing her middle name, you think it would be appropriate to table the discussion until she turns 18. She may want to choose one for herself, and that way she’ll have plenty of time to make up her mind.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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