DEAR ABBY: I have worked with “Bev” for 12 years. She is insufferable. I love my job and my other co-workers, but they all feel the same way as I do. Bev is a domineering, bullying, entitled woman in her late 50s. She has two “friends” in the entire facility and, unfortunately, considers me one of them, as well as our boss, “Janet,” who I am sure merely tolerates her as I do.
Bev calls me incessantly during the day to talk about her personal life. She demeans people and is controlling and rude. She says she is “so busy,” but other people end up doing her work for her while she takes all the credit. When my phone rings and it’s her, I can feel the life being sucked out of me, and I want to throw my phone at the wall.
The problem is that her other “friend” is Janet. Bev constantly says that nobody can say anything about her because the boss will tell her, which makes it hard for the rest of us who all feel the same way about her. It is affecting my mental health. She calls no fewer than 10 times a day, and then she complains about how busy she is, after she has kept me on the phone 15 minutes or more talking about her personal life. I feel like one day I’m going to explode, and I do not want to lose my job. Help! — VAMPIRE VICTIM
DEAR VAMPIRE VICTIM: Do you know for a fact that Janet considers Bev a friend? You may see them talking frequently, but that doesn’t mean Janet is enjoying it. If, as you say, everyone else in the workplace dislikes her, it’s hard to believe the boss hasn’t noticed.
Have a private chat with Janet. Tell her about the long, unwelcome chats, the bullying and the rudeness. Be as specific as you can. Ask her if she really supports Bev’s habit of invoking their friendship to avoid social consequences. If Janet takes Bev’s side in everything — which is doubtful — at least you’ll know where you stand.
DEAR ABBY: I have a male friend I would really like to get to know better. I would love to date him. We are both divorced and have relatives who no longer speak to us. I know he’s single and not seeing anyone.
I haven’t had a relationship in three years. I sometimes wonder what’s wrong with me. I’m a bit overweight but I have a great personality. I can’t understand why I can’t get a man interested in me. What can I do to get this man (or any man) interested in me? — READY IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR READY: You say your personality isn’t the problem. Not every man finds skinny women attractive. However, if you suspect that your weight is what’s keeping him (and other men) away, it may be time to address it. Talk with your doctor about a healthy eating plan and join a gym.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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