DEAR ABBY: My daughter has been married to her high school sweetheart for 15 years. Their marriage has been rocky from the start due to her husband’s “God” complex. He’s a spoiled brat and a compulsive liar. He has not only caused mayhem in his own family but has nearly destroyed ours. He was extremely disrespectful to his late parents, and shortly after their deaths his bullying began being directed at us. Unfortunately, I have been the primary target.
As a career businesswoman, I’ve always been able to respectfully stand my ground. Because he cannot control me like he does everyone else, he degrades, ridicules and belittles me, hurling nasty language and offensive behavior at me at every opportunity. I have tried everything humanly possible to get along with him. I’ve been a kind, loving mother-in-law and grandmother to his children. My daughter can’t protect me, nor can my husband. I’m at the point of being willing to sacrifice my relationship with my daughter and grandchildren to get away from this monster. Counseling has given me tools to protect myself emotionally, but in the real-time situation they are not helpful. Any thoughts, Abby? — BROKEN-HEARTED IN NEW ENGLAND
DEAR BROKEN-HEARTED: Your son-in-law is an elder abuser and probably a misogynist. The example he sets for your grandchildren is abominable, and they shouldn’t grow up thinking it is normal behavior. Perhaps it’s time you model the behavior your daughter should follow and separate yourself entirely from her husband. See her one-on-one, if at all. If you would like a relationship with your grandchildren, leave it up to her to make sure it happens. In the meantime, if you have a will, talk to a lawyer about changing it to ensure her husband cannot gain control of your assets.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter-in-law is scheduled for surgery in a few weeks. She will need to take a leave of absence from her teaching job. When she put in her request to the principal, he wanted to know what kind of surgery she was having. At first, she told him it was personal and she would prefer not to say, but he continued to harass her until she told him. She was embarrassed because it’s a female-related procedure. I told her what he did was unprofessional and it’s possibly illegal (HIPAA) for him to ask such a question. In her contract, she’s allowed to take an LOA for personal reasons. How do you think she should have handled this situation? — LEAVE OF ABSENCE IN THE EAST
DEAR LOA: I think your daughter-in-law handled the grilling as best she could. But understand that the principal had no right to pry into her medical needs. What he did was ethically and morally wrong. If he wanted a note from her doctor explaining her need for time off for surgery, he could have requested it. The details of the procedure were none of his business. If she is suffering emotional distress because of his harassment, she should consult a lawyer.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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