DEAR ABBY: I am a 67-year-old man who has two sisters. Recently, I was at my younger sister “Mitzi’s” house, installing some blinds. While there, I received a phone call from my girlfriend. (We have been together nine months, after my wife passed last year.) My girlfriend and I were discussing finances, including the topic of my older sister, “Carolyn,” borrowing money last year.
A few days later, Carolyn called me, upset that I had discussed our financial arrangement with my girlfriend. (It turns out Mitzi had recorded the conversation on her Ring cameras while I was there alone.) Now, both sisters are mad at me. This all started when I told Mitzi that associating with her ex-husband who verbally and physically abused her years earlier was a mistake. He was arrested for domestic violence and incarcerated for a while for committing other crimes.
Mitzi did not have my permission to share that recording I had no knowledge of. She was not a participant in the conversation. Now, my girlfriend is concerned because she was looking forward to building a good relationship with my sisters and now does not think Carolyn will let her. Any advice? — DRAMA-FILLED IN NEW YORK
DEAR DRAMA-FILLED: Just this: Remember none of this would have happened if you hadn’t done a favor for Sister Mitzi by installing her blinds. Unless you were sworn to secrecy, there is no reason you shouldn’t have discussed the loan you made to Sister Carolyn with your girlfriend. If they continue giving you a hard time, warn them that if they don’t both apologize for breaching your privacy, you are done being their handyman and moneylender. You should also make clear that, at a minimum, you expect them to treat your girlfriend with respect.
DEAR ABBY: I am acquainted with a single mother of a 4-year-old daughter. The mother is depressed and suffers from a circadian rhythm disorder. They don’t go to bed until 4 to 6 in the morning and sleep until 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Because of their sleep schedule, there are no daytime activities for the child. During the winter, the little girl saw only an hour or two of sunlight each day.
The mother doesn’t want her daughter to attend preschool because of their sleep schedule. This will have a detrimental effect on her daughter. Her circadian rhythm will be out of sync when she does go to school. Is this considered neglect? The father is a friend of mine, and he agrees this is a problem. Can you offer suggestions? — BYSTANDER IN OHIO
DEAR BYSTANDER: Yes, this is considered neglect. That child has received none of the social or intellectual stimulation that children normally do. The father needs to step in, assert himself and, if it’s possible, rally the grandparents for help. There is medical help for both circadian rhythm disorder and depression, and the mother should be urged to give it a try, if not for her own sake, then for her daughter’s.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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