Dear Abby: I got permission from my estranged brother to invite his 17-year-old daughter, “Ella,” to spend a month with my family this summer. We live on the East Coast, and she lives on the West Coast.
Ella is about to graduate from high school and has had a difficult home life and relationship with her dad and stepmother. After making her travel arrangements, I came across recent social media posts that my niece wrote disparaging her father. I’m in no position to discipline or judge her, but I felt that I had to say something so she knows that I don’t condone what she has done.
I’m now second-guessing whether it’s a good idea to have Ella around my 13- and 9-year-old children this summer. I told her the following: “I hadn’t seen your post about your father and stepmother. As a loving adult, I want you to know I think it’s very inappropriate. These kinds of postings tend to reflect more about the person posting than the people the post is about. For your own good, you should know that you, too, may be judged for what you have done — if not now, possibly in the future when you least want or expect it.”
Ella didn’t respond to me and continues to write more disrespectful posts. Should I say anything more? I don’t think my brother knows about the posts, though my niece complained online about his having “hacked” her accounts. — Having Second Thoughts
Dear Second Thoughts: I wish you had mentioned the reason for your estrangement from your brother. Contact him and ask if he is aware of the comments Ella has posted and continues to post. If he is unaware, you should alert him. The choice of whether to cancel your niece’s visit is up to you, but from where I sit, she appears to be an unhappy girl who could use a break from Dad.
Dear Abby: I am a 63-year-old woman who retired about eight years ago. I have decided to go back into the workforce — nothing huge, just a job to enable me to keep up with rising costs and to set some money aside. My problem is that everyone wants you to apply online.
I go online to look for work, I find something of interest, I click on it, and it takes me to a sign-in page for some sort of job site (such as Monster or Indeed). I fill out my information, and then I get a whole list of jobs, none of which are the one I originally clicked on. I have never had this much trouble finding a job. Any advice would be welcome. I am running out of options. — Willing to Work
Dear Willing to Work: Applying through those online job sites can feel like talking to a wall. Since you aren’t looking for anything fancy, the old-fashioned approach may work better. Check the bulletin boards of community centers, senior centers, local colleges, libraries and similar establishments. When you are out and about, keep your eyes peeled for “help wanted” notices. If you find yourself near a place you’d like to work, it can’t hurt to stop in and ask if they need help. Also, don’t forget the classified ads in your local newspaper!
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren. For nearly four decades, Jeanne Phillips penned the column, which was founded in 1956 by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
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