DEAR ABBY: Four years ago, my cousin “Roy” introduced me to his friends, who, once a month, have a party at the home of one of the couples. We would eat and then play a form of dominoes. It was raucous and fun. The second time I went, a couple in the group told me that now I was “part of the family.” I always had fun and laughed a lot, which I hadn’t experienced much after my husband died years ago. Roy even invited me to go on a couple of cruises with six people from the group.
At the end of the last cruise, everyone shunned me, except for Roy, who instead was cruel and insulting to me. Abby, no one will tell me what horrible thing I could’ve said or done to make everyone so furious. I told Roy that he knew I’d never do anything to deliberately hurt or offend someone I loved. He never explained anything to me, and although I reached out to five members of the group, they won’t answer me either.
How can I apologize if I don’t know what I said or did wrong? Roy has since died, so I can’t pursue the matter with him, and I’m wondering if I should try again with any of them to find out why they ghosted me? — LONELY WITHOUT THEM IN MISSOURI
DEAR LONELY: If the reason you want to keep pursuing this after four years is to reestablish social relationships with these people, I think the ship has sailed on that score. If, for your own peace of mind, you would like an answer, consider approaching your cousin Roy’s friends one last time and asking about it. Whatever the answer may be, however, it is important that you enlarge your social circle and move forward. Continuing to dwell on this hurt will not be helpful at this point.
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DEAR ABBY: Six months ago, my wife and I hired a cleaning company to help around the house once a month. It has been a big help because my wife has arthritis. Even though her arthritis is debilitating at times, she insists on still working at least part time.
When “Helen,” the woman who cleans our home, arrives, we offer her tea or something before she starts to clean. Recently, she asked my wife if she worked, and my wife responded that she works part time as a librarian. Helen’s response was, “Oh, I wish I could work part time.”
My wife is 64 and worked full time until two years ago. Helen is probably in her 30s. I didn’t appreciate Helen’s demeanor. Her response had a hint of jealousy. My wife and I are quiet people. We dislike strife. How can we politely tell Helen she talks too much? We don’t mind for a little while, but she talks almost the entire time she’s at our home. — UNRECEPTIVE AUDIENCE IN NEW YORK
DEAR U.A.: A way to accomplish that would be to stop offering Helen “tea or something” when she arrives, which should give her less time to socialize. Another would be to make it a habit not to be in the same room with her while she’s working. I’m sure you and your wife can find something else to do while the place is being cleaned. You could even go out for coffee or lunch unless your intuition is telling you she can’t be trusted. If that’s the case, you need another cleaning person.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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