DEAR ABBY: After a four-year battle with cancer, my husband of 27 years passed away. After his death, I was contacted by a guy I had been involved with 40 years before. He said he wanted me to know that he was there for me if I needed to talk or just needed some company. I told him how much I appreciated it and I would call if I felt he could help.
This man was someone I had loved intensely. We had dated for seven years when he broke my heart. He was seeing other people behind my back, and when I found out, I broke up with him. We always managed to stay in touch, though. He would call to wish me happy birthday or just say hi. We remained friends. He dated a couple of people I knew, and we would run into each other a couple of times a year.
Well, we are now seeing each other again. He has told me how sorry he is for breaking my heart all those years ago. He says he knows that being a man is not being with every woman you possibly can be with but being willing to commit to the one woman you know you love. He says he knows he made a mistake and he loves me and wants us to spend the rest of our lives together.
The problem: I can’t stop thinking about all the women he has been with and how I will never be able to measure up to them. There’s nothing special about me. I’m not beautiful, I don’t have a “killer body” and I don’t have a lot of money. I don’t want to ruin what is possibly the best thing that has ever happened to me, but I just can’t seem to move past this. What can I do to move forward from his past? — BACK WHERE I STARTED IN TENNESSEE
DEAR BACK: The only thing that could ruin what is possibly the best thing that has ever happened to you is your low level of self-esteem. This man appears to have matured in the years since you broke up with him. He isn’t after a raving beauty, a woman built like a racing sloop or a sugar mama. He is interested in the person you are.
Please ask your doctor for a referral to a licensed mental health professional who can help you make a serious attitude adjustment before your insecurity ruins what could potentially be a happy future.
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DEAR ABBY: I have been lucky. I have done well and lived a good life. I’m married (my third time), and I have adult children and grandkids. For most of my life, I have had an active sex life. Much of it I wouldn’t want my children to know about while I’m alive, but it could make for some erotic reading years after I’m gone. Should I write my honest accounting covering 50 years and leave it for posterity? — TALES TO TELL IN FLORIDA
DEAR TALES: For the sake of your children, their spouses, and your grandchildren please resist the urge to recount in detail your sexual history. When you depart this earthly plane, leave them with at least a few illusions, I’m begging you.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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