DEAR ABBY: I began experiencing migraines occasionally as a teenager, but in my early 20s, they became a regular occurrence. I tried unsuccessfully for years to identify my triggers, cutting things from my diet and environment before realizing about a year ago that I’m triggered by smoke.
My husband — my best friend and the love of my life — who I’ve been with since the age of 21, is a smoker. I’ve attempted to talk to him about it, but he becomes hurt and defensive because he’s sensitive about his addiction and isn’t sure my “theory” is correct. He has always been careful not to smoke in our home or cars, only outside, but I smell it on his hands and clothing even hours after a cigarette. Further complicating the matter is that he has never had a sense of smell and isn’t convinced that an odor lingers on him.
We have a beautiful, affectionate marriage and almost never fight. However, I’m realizing I have a slow-growing resentment that is fed each time he sits next to me or I want to snuggle up with him, only to be hit with a sensation best described as an ice pick to my temple. I’m devastated that this is affecting my nearly perfect image of this wonderful man.
I have thus far been unwilling to nag or demand he stop, as this isn’t the type of wife I want to be. He has many amazing qualities, and I feel horrible that my heart is pulling back because of this one thing. Please help with what to do. — HURTING HEAD IN OHIO
DEAR HURTING HEAD: The first thing you should do is discuss your migraines with your doctor to be sure that the smell of tobacco is what is triggering them. If what you think is true, then you and your husband should schedule a consultation with your physician so the doctor can explain it to your wonderful spouse.
There is no denying that cigarette smoke clings to the hair, skin and clothing of a regular smoker long after the last puff. On the positive side, this may be a perfect opportunity for your husband to rid himself of an expensive habit that’s potentially dangerous to his health.
DEAR ABBY: My best friend, “Ellie,” has a jealousy problem. She wanted to introduce me to another lady, “Mica,” who was starting a new craft and looking for help to get started. Ellie gave my phone number to Mica, who contacted me and came to my house for instructions.
I told Ellie that Mica had called and that we’d set up a time for Mica to come over. When Ellie heard that, she got really upset because she wanted to introduce us. Now, if I mention Mica’s name, my best friend shuts down. Abby, I’m not sure how to handle jealousy. It’s not an emotion I feel. Please help. — GOOD INTENTIONS IN ARKANSAS
DEAR GOOD INTENTIONS: Shuts down? Because you met with Mica without Ellie being present? That seems not only childish but also controlling. “Handle” this by refraining from mentioning Mica’s name to Ellie.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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