DEAR ABBY: My husband is very temperamental. When something goes wrong with his meal or service at a restaurant, or when he’s driving and gets upset with another driver, he angrily vents to me nonstop, repeating the same things over and over. This happens only when we’re alone, not when friends or family members are present. When I ask him to please stop because it’s upsetting or stressful (or giving me indigestion if we are having a meal), he blames me and says I “have to” let him vent and say nothing, not even ask him to please stop so I can enjoy my food.
We argue often about this. I have tried talking to him about it when he wasn’t upset. His response is always the same: I need to deal with it. If I try to reason with him, he justifies and excuses his behavior and puts the blame back on me. I want to run away from this marriage because of it. By the way, he’s almost 70 years old and has been doing this his entire life. — READY TO FLEE IN TENNESSEE
DEAR READY: How many decades have the two of you been married? If it’s less than one, rather than tolerate more of your husband’s verbal abuse, consult a lawyer. If, however, this has been happening for the entire duration of your marriage, I can’t help but wonder why it has taken you so long to write. Your husband obviously can control his behavior if he wishes.
If there’s a financial reason for remaining married (you didn’t once mention in your letter that you love this bully), this is the price you are paying for years of “security.” You do not have to tolerate being berated. Because you are nearing the end of your rope, offer him a choice: Therapy for his verbal aggression, or separation so you no longer have to bear the brunt of it.
DEAR ABBY: I was recently at our local recreation center working out. At one point, I was stretching my back, and a friend, “Seth,” happened upon me from a distance. He thought I looked funny in my pose and took a few pics of me to share with other friends. I don’t have an issue with that.
The issue is a teenager and his father, with whom I’m acquainted, were nearby in the line of sight of Seth’s photos. The father, whom Seth does not know, accused him of taking pics of his teenager. Seth was offended and angry and denied it, but he didn’t feel he could show the pics of me to the father. Now Seth is being accused of something he didn’t do. Should I step in and resolve the issue and tell the father what actually happened? — IN THE MIDDLE IN TEXAS
DEAR IN THE MIDDLE: You certainly should. If you don’t, Seth could find himself in serious trouble.
TO MY READERS: For those who celebrate Easter, I wish you all a meaningful and memorable day. Happy Easter, everyone! — LOVE, ABBY
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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