DEAR ABBY: My husband passed away four months ago. I miss him terribly, but I’m ready to move on. I want to begin dating, but I don’t know how to go about it. Some may say it’s too soon, but I couldn’t care less what people think.
I have my eye on several men I think may be interested, but they’re not paying much attention to me. I think they’re hesitating because they know how recently my husband died and they think it’s too soon. How can I let them know I’m ready without coming on too strong?
Also, how can I go about meeting new men? I go places and see lots of men who are attractive, but I haven’t got the nerve to approach them. Some of them may be married, and I don’t want to wreck anyone’s marriage. I’m 65, so it isn’t easy to meet someone in my age group.
I am not looking for a husband, just a friend and companion. I have everything I need except someone to love and care for me. Online dating isn’t an option for me. Can you please give me some of your excellent advice? — VERY LONELY WIDOW
DEAR VERY LONELY: Please accept my condolences for the loss of your husband. You have now become a member of a club that nobody wants to join.
It’s important for your mental health that you do some things to help you fight depression. Staying busy and exercising at least 30 minutes a day are both very effective. You may also be able to push the dark clouds away and meet new people by volunteering for causes you care about.
You mentioned that online dating isn’t an option. If the reason for that is a lack of computer literacy, start taking some lessons. Online dating sites provide an avenue for widows and widowers to meet eligible people of both sexes. One caveat, however: You wrote that you are looking for someone to love and care for YOU. Do not go into any relationship without accepting that it will be a two-way street, or it won’t work for either of you.
DEAR ABBY: My grandpa has expressed to me that he wants me to inherit all of his investments, including his 401(k) and his personal accounts. I am the only family member taking care of him. His wife passed away two months ago. He has expressed his wishes to me verbally. (I have recorded him stating this.) He does not want my sister or his other family members to inherit anything.
Should I honor his wishes and accept it all? My sister, who calls him occasionally, thinks she should get half of his estate when he passes. (It could be five or 10 years from now.) Should I honor his wishes or split it 50-50 to keep the peace? — EYE TO THE FUTURE IN TEXAS
DEAR EYE: I am very glad you wrote. Although you have your grandfather on tape expressing his wishes about the distribution of his estate, it is crucial they be discussed with an attorney who specializes in estate planning! Those wishes should be put in writing and notarized so there will be no confusion about his intentions or his reason for apportioning his estate the way he is doing. Your sister will be furious when she gets the news, and you may need legal protection, so be prepared.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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