DEAR ABBY: I’m a 48-year-old woman. When I was 17, I hooked up with this guy who was part of my friend group. I knew he had a crush on me, so I decided to have sex with him in his car. It meant nothing to me, but everything to him.
He has tried to reach me over the years. If I was married, he was single. After my first husband died, I did meet up with him briefly. I guess I shouldn’t have done that. I asked him if he wanted to date, but he was married. (His marriage didn’t last long.) Then he was upset that I met a wonderful man and was dating.
That wonderful man and I are now married, and my old high school hookup is pouting and upset. He’s declaring his love for me and insisting that I leave my husband for him. I’m not going to do that. Is the fact that he is still in love with me after 30 years romantic or creepy? — GOT HISTORY IN TEXAS
DEAR GOT HISTORY: It appears your old high school hookup hasn’t grown emotionally since those days. What is going on in his head isn’t romantic; it is disrespectful. His unwillingness or inability to move forward in his own life is somewhat creepy. Say that when you tell him to quit bothering you and your husband and get on with his own life. After that, if necessary, block him.
DEAR ABBY: My son and daughter-in-law had their first child three months ago. This was the first grandchild on both sides. Her mother stayed with her for two weeks after the cesarean birth. I have no issues with that.
My issue is, my son told me I needed to leave when they and the baby came home from the hospital. Mind you, I live 6 1/2 hours away. I fought him to get at least three days when they got home. Then he said I needed to leave, but he never told his father-in-law to leave. Also, on the days I did stay, they asked me to get a motel while her parents stayed with them. I only got to go over during the day.
When I told my son my feelings were hurt, he said I was being a drama queen. I did respect everything they asked. I just want to know if I was wrong for sharing my feelings or should I have remained quiet. It has caused friction between us now. — SECOND-CLASS IN TENNESSEE
DEAR SECOND-CLASS: This situation is not about you. It is about a brand-new baby and adjusting to parenthood. You may have come on too strong and expected too much when you said what you did. Your daughter-in-law was recovering from surgery after her first child and needed her mother, not her mother-in-law. Her father was probably part of the package deal. This isn’t a competition, and if you make it one, you will become even less welcome than you are now.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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