DEAR ABBY: My best friend and I got pregnant, each with our first child, with our due dates a week apart. We felt blessed to be going through this amazing experience at the same time. Our babies are now 2 months old. I am adjusting well to motherhood. I feel it’s coming naturally to me.
My friend is having the opposite experience. Ever since the birth of her daughter, she has been distant, anxious and depressed. She’s a different person. I don’t know how to help her. I don’t know what she’s going through.
To make matters worse, she told me that when I make comments about being super happy and loving breastfeeding (as she struggles with it), she thinks I am rubbing it in her face. I care about her dearly, but am I not allowed to speak my truth because she’s struggling? How do I support her and still be forthcoming about my own positive experience? — ONE OF TWO NEW MOMS
DEAR ONE: There may be a physiological cause for your friend’s anxiety and depression. Childbirth can lead to a hormonal imbalance that can be corrected. It’s important that she talk to her obstetrician about the negative emotions she’s experiencing. Please don’t wait to urge her to do this, because the problem could worsen.
Allow me to offer a final thought: You would be a more sensitive friend to her if you share your joy at being a new mother with friends other than this one — at least for a while. You don’t need to censor your social media, but please find other things to talk about when face to face with her.
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DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have friends we consider our “BFF couple.” The husband, “Brian,” recently became unemployed, which has left him more time to travel. Brian and his wife fly to see his dad in Florida several times a year. Although they live an hour closer to the airport than we do, Brian asks every time for my husband to drive them to and from the airport.
My husband is retired, so his schedule is a bit freer than most, but now he is driving much longer to drop off and pick up than it would take this couple to use Uber or, even better, park their car in remote parking. It’s not a financial issue for them because they fly on his dad’s points and Brian’s wife makes twice what I do.
I have argued with my husband over this and told him he doesn’t need to be their cab driver simply because they feel entitled to his time and are too lazy to park their car at the airport. The wear and tear on our car and the promises of gas money that never appears exacerbate my frustration. Am I wrong to stand my ground on this issue with my husband? –– NOT YOUR CABBIE
DEAR NOT YOUR CABBIE: I agree that this couple could stand to be more self-sufficient and considerate, but your husband’s time is his to spend as he pleases. As long as he doesn’t break any engagements with you to help them out, why not just admire his generous spirit? That said, given recent gas prices, you might suggest that he collect the gas money up front moving forward.
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