DEAR ABBY: My dear friend, “Sandra,” is married with two children. She and her husband have a 4-year-old son together and another son from her husband’s first marriage who is 14. The 14-year-old’s life is tough, much like Cinderella’s. Sandra treats him very badly. She has him doing all of the housework in their home, belittles him constantly and is very vocal about how much she dislikes him. Her 4-year-old can do no wrong.
The older boy’s mother has weekends with her son, but Sandra is open about not liking her either. I feel bad about how the boy is treated and want to talk to Sandra about it, but I don’t know how to bring up the sensitive subject and maintain my relationship with the family. Her husband is completely on Sandra’s side, so he does nothing to help the boy have a better life. Can you offer any advice? — FEELING FOR HIM IN WASHINGTON
DEAR FEELING: Somebody has to intervene for that boy. Why does his uncaring father have custody? Could he stay with his mother full time? Are there any other relatives who could take him in? And why would you want a relationship with a heartless couple who are so emotionally abusive?
Because you apparently are the only person who cares at all about that boy, do a little research about possible alternative situations for him. However, if there are none, contact child protective services as a last resort. You won’t save your friendship with Sandra, but you may save that child.
DEAR ABBY: My husband asked me to go into his email inbox and settle an issue with an airline. An email popped up: “Your memories from eight years ago” from a popular photo website. We have been together eight years, and I thought I would see photos of us. They weren’t. It was photos of him with his ex-fiancee, including his elaborate proposal. The proposal was something out of a dream. (He proposed to me on our family room couch.) I also realized her ring is exactly like mine.
I’m so hurt. He has never been that romantic with me or put much thought into my gifts. Actually, one year he gave me bed sheets for Christmas, which I never requested. Meanwhile, I’m the one who puts effort into his family’s cards and gifts and helps them with celebrations.
My birthday was this month — I’m eight months pregnant and I had to pick out and buy my own birthday gift because he said he didn’t know what to get me. When I let him know how hurt I feel about everything, he just said, “Let me just go back in time,” and walked away. I feel hurt, stuck and unloved. Am I overreacting? — CRUSHED IN NEW JERSEY
DEAR CRUSHED: I understand your disappointment, but my advice is to revisit this subject after your child is born and you have had more time to think about it. I don’t know what happened with your husband’s prior relationship, but if it had been terrific, it would have lasted. Not all men are good at planning proposals or choosing cards and gifts, but often they make up for it in other ways. Bide your time.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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