DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my mid-20s who has had only abusive, toxic and horrendous relationships after entering adulthood. Since high school, I have spent years trying to find a “good guy” who will treat me with respect and love me unconditionally.
I made a friend online two years ago who I began recording music and podcasts with. He lives in another state. He’s smart, witty and sarcastic, and we hit it off well as long-distance friends. I am smitten with him, and he is with me, and we are a “thing” now.
In a few months, he and a mutual friend are flying here to see me and to attend a concert. He says he wants to transfer schools and attend school here. As someone who’s been single for three years, I feel ready to love again and be with someone, and my gut instincts and intuition feel safe with him.
The only roadblock I’m worried about is my family. They don’t believe my relationship is “real.” They think I’m delusional for being with someone long-distance (even though my mom met my stepdad in a different state). I also don’t know how I’ll be able to explain this to my grandparents or my very strict, racist dad. How do I respond to people who call me delusional? — SEEMS LIKE THE REAL THING
DEAR SEEMS: Although you have known this person for two years, you may be jumping the gun. While he may be everything you say he is (and he says he is), you can’t be certain he is really Prince Charming until you meet in person.
That he is considering transferring to a nearby school to be closer to you is a good thing. It will give you an opportunity to judge whether he is really the person he presents himself to be and allow your family to get to know him. It will also provide him an opportunity — if the romance continues to develop — to decide if he would welcome them as in-laws, in spite of the racism you so casually mentioned in passing.
DEAR ABBY: I know I’ll be chastised for having these thoughts, but I need advice. I thought I was supportive to my friend who lost her husband after a four-year battle with Alzheimer’s disease. We have known each other for 25 years. She has become unresponsive and no longer asks me about anything. I check on her almost daily, but she never makes the first text. I also send cards, which she does not acknowledge.
Her husband died more than a year ago, and I know I shouldn’t judge her grieving, but I thought she would be better by this time. Widows ask why their friends desert them after a death, but what about the widows who desert friends? — LONELY IN THE EAST
DEAR LONELY: Some individuals are more resilient than others. While you may have been able to get over the loss of a spouse, parent, child or pet quickly, others are not so lucky. The sad fact is, there is no set timetable for grieving. Invite her out to lunch so you can talk face to face instead of relying on cards and texts. If you do, it may help her to recover more quickly.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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