DEAR ABBY: I am writing for advice on how to be supportive of my adult children in light of an alleged crime committed by their mother. She was arrested for first-degree murder. The victim was my children’s younger half-sibling.
I am especially challenged dealing with my daughter. She is supporting her mother in this. She says she has already lost a sibling and doesn’t want to lose her mother too. Their mother was always critical of psychotherapy. Not only did she doubt it, but she criticized anyone seeking mental health support. Abby, now she’s pleading not guilty by reason of insanity! How do I support and counsel my daughter? — MANAGING THE REPERCUSSIONS
DEAR MANAGING: Women in their right minds do not kill their children. Sometimes people are critical of mental health care because they’re insecure about their own status. As upset as you are about this, your daughter has every right to support her mother through this tragedy if she wishes. The most effective way you can support your daughter would be to refrain from questioning her choice to be there for her mother.
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DEAR ABBY: What are your thoughts about meeting another couple for lunch or dinner at a specific time only to find that they have already been seated and are enjoying appetizers? This has happened to us on numerous occasions, and, to us, it totally ruins the continuity of the meal together. We could understand it if we were late in arriving, but we’re not. This has happened with more than one couple. — FUMING IN TEXAS
DEAR FUMING: Personally, I think what they did is rude. However, it’s one thing to be seated and chomp on a breadstick and quite another to be enjoying cocktails and calamari. It throws off the timing of the meal for the couple who arrive when they are supposed to. That said, when someone’s blood sugar level drops, they may not be at their best, so it might be better to get some food than stand on ceremony.
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DEAR ABBY: I am a 48-year-old female who had to move in with my parents. It’s not working. I know I am messy and tend to procrastinate. The issue is my mother. She constantly goes into my room to snoop. She tells me I’m worthless and dumb. Last night, I was eating a pork chop, and she said I was using the wrong knife. She took my knife and gave me a butter knife! I lost my job, so moving out isn’t an option. But her comments and obvious disdain for me are not good for my self-esteem. Help! — TRAPPED IN LONG BEACH
DEAR TRAPPED: This advice may seem to come from left field, but I’m suggesting that you talk to your doctor about your messiness, procrastination and job situation. There may be a medical explanation for these issues. If there is, proper treatment may make a world of difference. However, if your problem isn’t medical, your doctor can still refer you to a licensed family counselor who might help you coexist peacefully with your mom.
As for moving out, it’s your best option in the long run. It’s true that you’re not ready now, but all your efforts must be focused on reaching that goal.
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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