DEAR ABBY: My partner, “Greg,” and I have been together a year. I’m getting the impression my success at work is making him insecure. I pursued a stable and high-paying career. I enjoy knowing I can support my future children’s needs financially. My success has now resulted in several big promotions, which means more demanding schedules and draining technical tasks at times.
During my stressful times at work, I’ve noticed Greg suddenly withdraws and begins boasting about his income and work demands. He comes by less often, and when he is around, he acts uninterested in my activities and refuses to help with household chores, claiming his work is so demanding and he’s so important that he’s too tired.
Abby, Greg’s job is much less demanding than mine, and I feel he’s overinflating it to pump up his ego. I have tried to encourage his confidence, but that only seems to make him less focused on helping me. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that every time my workload is more stressful and I need his help, he disappears.
Greg has also promised for months that he’s moving in with me, but it has been five months now and still nothing. I’ve raised these issues and told him I feel lonely and unsupported. His response is that I “have the wrong idea” and he is “not a sexist,” but I can’t help but see a pattern.
I want a family, and I’m looking to settle down. I need someone I can rely on when times are tough. Should I keep trying to work things out with Greg, or will his ego be a forever issue? Should I cut my losses? — CAREER-CONFLICTED IN COLORADO
DEAR CAREER-CONFLICTED: Face it — what you’ve got with Greg is what you will get if the relationship goes further. He may be a nice, if insecure, man, but you have more than one issue going on with him. You are successful; he is less so. If you (and he) are willing to go for couples counseling, it may be possible to forge the closer relationship you are looking for. However, if that’s not possible, then you should part as friends.
DEAR ABBY: We have some dear friends with whom we socialize a lot. However, it seems that every time we invite them to do something, they invite others (whom we know) to join in. Our latest invitation is to visit us at our lake house for several days. They would like to bring their adult son and his girlfriend. While we like their son a lot, we do not know the girlfriend.
We don’t want to hurt their feelings or our friendship, but we are getting tired of our invitations being extended to others. How do we respond to them to stop this? — GRACIOUS SOUTHERNERS
DEAR GRACIOUS: What this couple is doing is rude. Respond by telling them that while you love them and their son, you do not know the girlfriend and are not comfortable hosting a stranger for an entire weekend. Give them time to absorb your message. Then, the next time they attempt to include more guests in your invitation, explain that it is for them only.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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