DEAR ABBY: I found out that, behind my back, my best friend has been (secretly) growing hair for the past year. He knows I have been balding for many years. Although I have accepted my follicular fate, he knows I constantly search for self-improvement in my life.
What bothers me is that he didn’t share the information until I mentioned I was thinking about trying Rogaine. THAT is when he told me he has been using a similar product for the past year and it seems to be working. He even took off his baseball cap (which he has been curiously wearing for a year), to show me the modest results. I doubt he would have shared this if I hadn’t raised the subject.
I feel deeply shafted by his secrecy, and I don’t see it as such a private matter that it had to be concealed. I do understand that he may have felt embarrassed to admit it bothered him and that he was taking steps to address the issue.
What is the rule of etiquette under the circumstances? Should a person share self-improvement methods that are modestly successful with a close friend who would clearly benefit from the information (assuming it is not so personal or private that it cannot be shared)? — SHAFTED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR SHAFTED: There is no rule of etiquette that dictates anyone must share this kind of information. As close as you may think you are to this friend, try to remember that not everyone is comfortable talking about medical interventions they are using for self-improvement. This includes plastic surgery, weight-loss drugs and cures for baldness (a condition suffered by members of both sexes). Your friend was nice to mention that he has been using a product similar to the one you are contemplating, but he was under no requirement to do so.
DEAR ABBY: I recently separated from my wife and have developed feelings for someone new, “Maria.” However, Maria has mentioned that she’s currently dating someone. Despite this, we talk throughout the day and have spent time together, and she always seems to enjoy our conversations and outings.
I have expressed my feelings, but rather than say I’m in the “friend zone,” she simply reiterates that she’s seeing someone. I’m confused and unsure of what to do. I have tried distancing myself, but she continues to reach out, and our conversations pick up again. Should I step back and move on, or continue to engage with her while remaining respectful? — BAFFLED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR BAFFLED: Tell Maria you like her very much but are looking for someone to have a romantic relationship with, which is why you will be stepping back for a while. Suggest that if her relationship doesn’t work out, she should give you a call, and maybe you can work something out if you’re not seeing anyone. Then move on.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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