DEAR ABBY: I am worried about my 26-year-old son, “Caleb.” He’s severely overweight. Let me be clear: I love him regardless of his weight, but I think he binge eats to cope with anxiety and depression. A mutual love of eating was how my son and his late mom bonded.
For example, when his favorite TV show ended its run, Caleb ate three pizzas in one sitting to celebrate the finale. Another time, he ate an entire box of brownies in less than 30 minutes “just to see if he could.” When I suggest healthier options for his diet, or maybe that he should eat less, he says sarcastic things like “vegetables are poison” and “let piggy eat his slop.”
Caleb rarely leaves his room in the basement, and he lost touch with his few friends a long time ago. My son is emotionally immature, so it’s hard to talk about this with him. I just want my boy to be healthy and happy. How do I get through to him? — WORRIED DAD IN VIRGINIA
DEAR DAD: Stop lecturing Caleb about his diet because, clearly, it isn’t working. At 26, your son is no longer a boy. He’s a grown man living in his father’s basement. If he doesn’t have a job, insist he get one now. It will get him out of his room on a regular basis and perhaps give him some self-esteem.
Some discussions about what he plans to do with his life once he is independent might be helpful, as would some sessions with a licensed mental health professional to address his emotional problems.
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I know a guy from work I’ll call “Jon.” His girlfriend comes over whenever he does. She doesn’t seem at all interested in being my friend, but she talks to my husband for hours on end. When I try to have a conversation with her, she ignores me.
I tried to bond with her. She came over and wanted to cook in my kitchen, but whenever I volunteered to help her, she asked for my husband to help her instead. She sits by him any chance she can get and tries to make these inside jokes with him. It’s beginning to upset me because she acts like I don’t exist. It makes me feel like I’m a third wheel in my own home.
What’s worse is Jon doesn’t say anything about it, and she ignores him as well. Now she’s talking about moving two minutes away from our house and is actively looking for places. I don’t know what to do because we are good friends with Jon. — UNCOMFORTABLE IN WEST VIRGINIA
DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: Enough is enough. Have you discussed this with your husband? If you haven’t, start now. Point out that Jon’s girlfriend appears to have a super-sized crush on him to the point that she ignores that the two of you are a couple, and the way she treats Jon is insulting and disrespectful. Then tell your spouse you no longer want that woman in your home or even in your neighborhood. If he’s afraid to speak up, then you will have to do it. Start by telling Jon you don’t want her around and why.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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