DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away recently. She suffered from dementia and was a cancer survivor, but she lived well into her 80s. It was difficult for me to witness her mental decline when I spoke to her on the phone or visited her occasionally in the nursing home. She lived near my sister, so my sister had a much closer relationship with her than I did.
Mom met with my sister and me several years ago to discuss her estate planning. Both of us were included as beneficiaries, as well as Mom’s second husband. My sister has just informed me that, three years ago, Mom replaced the existing living trust with a new one making her the sole beneficiary. She smugly claimed that she was always there for Mother and that I was an absentee child.
I was stunned to learn this while still recovering from the loss of my mother. I contacted a trust attorney, who told me I could contest the new trust on the grounds that Mother had dementia when it was prepared and that my sister may have coerced her to make her the sole beneficiary.
If I pursue a lawsuit, it will undoubtedly drive a wedge between my family and my sister’s family. On the other hand, doing nothing does not seem fair to my family. Please let me know what you think I should do. — SON IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR SON: I cannot decide this for you. What I “think” is that you should discuss this with your spouse (if you haven’t already), decide how much you need the money you were originally promised and proceed from there. Regardless of what you do, your relationship with your sister will never be the same because of this.
DEAR ABBY: I’d like to offer some advice to shy people like me. I didn’t have a girlfriend until I was 30, although I had my share of female friends. (I met a couple of women in online chat communities.) I tried a bowling league in my 20s, but the bowlers were three times my age. Then I met someone online who introduced me to country music and country dancing.
Dancing wasn’t just a fun activity, but I made a lot of friends, dated a couple of women and met my life’s match. We have been married for 17 years now. If you don’t know the dances, there are beginners’ nights where you can learn. As a guy, I always had a numbers advantage because many women want partners to dance with. My advice would be to try it with no expectations. Abby, I hope this helps someone. — STILL DANCIN’ IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR STILL DANCIN’: So do I because your message resonates with me. Years ago, I had a wonderful personal assistant, Olivia. She was born and raised in the great state of Texas and had a love of all things western. Looking to get into the dating scene, one weekend Olivia went solo to a square dance, and that’s where she met an “angel” who volunteered to dance with unescorted ladies. Long story short, they were married two months later. I was her matron of honor.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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