DEAR ABBY: I was shopping recently and encountered a mother who had her two young children in her cart. One of them was making a loud noise. The mother slapped her hard across the face, yelling, “You’re not getting what you want, so be quiet!” I felt I should say something, but I didn’t want the situation to escalate. What would an appropriate response be that would show empathy but would also convey that physical abuse is unacceptable? — MOTHER LOOKING ON IN ARIZONA
DEAR MOTHER: Empathy for whom — the mother or the child? Mature parents do not slap their children across the face for acting up. They take the kid out of the store until they calm down. If this happens in public, one can only imagine what goes on in private. If I had seen it, I would have snapped a picture of the three of them, as well as the license plate of the mother’s car. Then I would report the woman to child protective services so they could investigate.
DEAR ABBY: During social events and initial greetings, I am often asked, “What was/is your occupation?” Abby, I am retired and have no desire to discuss my past occupation with them. Once people know it, they automatically place you in a category, which might include your financial worth, what kind of car you drive, what kind of house you live in, etc. Often, this happens so they can “one-up” you. I really don’t think these things are anyone’s business unless I choose to discuss it with them. I prefer to look toward the future and not dwell on the past. Although I am grateful for my past employment, it does not define who I am today. Can you please suggest a polite way to answer the question “What was/is your occupation?” — NOT DEFINED BY MY OCCUPATION
DEAR NOT DEFINED: No law says you must discuss your past career if you don’t wish to. Try this the next time you are asked that question. Say, “I’m retired, and I forget from what.” Or smile and say, “Work? I don’t use four-letter words in public.” Then ask the asker what they do for a living.
DEAR ABBY: We loaned my sister $10,000 three years ago, and she has repaid only a fraction of it. She had promised it would be paid back within six months. She has refused to take my calls on the holidays, and I haven’t spoken to her in many months. We used to be very close, but now money has come between us. I’m feeling resentful, and I wish this hadn’t happened. What would you do, Abby? — TOO GENEROUS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR TOO GENEROUS: If I had a signed note from my sister outlining the amount I had loaned her and the terms of repayment, and after 2 1/2 years had elapsed with no payment and my sister ducking my calls, I’d call my lawyer. Some sort of payment plan needs to be established. If she has property, perhaps a lien can be placed against it. I wish you luck on what is sure to be a bumpy ride.
P.S. If you do NOT have a notarized agreement from your sister, you may be learning a very expensive lesson.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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