DEAR ABBY: I never want to eat my husband’s cooking again. He refuses to follow recipes because he says they are “too hard.” He doesn’t use seasonings — or he uses the wrong ones. An example: He recently put cinnamon and cloves on zucchini and agreed with me that it tasted terrible. In addition to almost never being tasty, his cooking is usually nutritionally imbalanced — like a meal that has zero vegetables, or a meal that’s all carbs. In the 10 years we’ve been married, he has lit the food on fire twice.
I adore everything else about him. I wish I could cook every meal, every day, but I can’t. I work full time in a physically demanding job, take classes at the community college and side hustle as a pet sitter. He only works 40 hours. We’re both amateur competitive athletes, so skipping dinner is out of the question. Eating takeout sometimes is OK, but it’s too expensive to do it regularly. Any advice you can offer is welcome. — GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN
DEAR GET OUT: As an athlete, your husband must understand the importance of correct form and practice. There is no reason he can’t learn to cook a simple, balanced menu.
Explain to him that while you appreciate his willingness to pitch in, you are no longer willing to eat his experiments. Then, next time it’s his turn to cook, walk him through the preparation of the meal. Do not allow him to get creative. Creativity is for those who have mastered the basics, which he has not. If he learns just one easy meal and cooks only that for the rest of his life, it would be an improvement.
DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for 25 years. We got engaged after four years, but we have not gotten married. He gives an excuse each year the subject is brought up. He is a good provider and a good liar, as he has had many outside relationships and continues to do so. He’s not aware that I know more than he thinks.
Each time he gets caught, he starts screaming and doesn’t want to talk about it. His double life is HIS life. Our finances are linked together, including homeownership, and neither could afford to live on their own if we parted. (We are both retired.)
How do I continue to live this type of life? I was planning on obtaining a lawyer for advice to see where I stand financially in case this blows up on me. I have not forgiven him, nor can I forget his actions. Do you have any advice for me? — LOOKING FOR HAPPINESS IN FLORIDA
DEAR LOOKING: Yes, I do. Forget about raising the subject of marriage with this man. He has no intention of changing a status quo that is working for him. Contact an attorney now, because the question you want to ask is a valid one. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life accepting this unhappy reality, you need to make a change.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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