DEAR ABBY: I’m 43, and I have been married and divorced three times. I have three adult children and a 13-year-old. My last divorce was final a few weeks ago. I was sure she was The One. Now she now wants to give us nine months and see if we are going to reconcile.
I am confused. Years ago, before I married the first time, I thought I was called to be a Catholic priest, but I didn’t listen. A couple of months ago, a good friend who is a priest gave a homily: “Have we ignored God’s call for us in our lives?” I feel I have done just that.
My third ex-wife wants me to wait to see what will come of us. I honestly know the right answer. But, at the same time, I want to do what I want, not what God wants me to do. I know the way He wants me to go, but I still want to do things my way. Any advice would be sincerely appreciated. — FINDING A PATH IN TENNESSEE
DEAR FINDING: William Shakespeare wrote in Act One of “Hamlet”: “To thine own self be true.” God may be calling, but unless you are willing and able to commit yourself fully, you shouldn’t do it. Listen to your conscience and your heart, and you will find the right path for you. There are many ways you can serve a religious community besides joining the priesthood. (Ask your friend.)
DEAR ABBY: Recently, the husband of a co-worker I’ll call “Tammy” died from cancer. After she came back to work a week or two ago, I learned she took a day off to attend a grief counseling group, and I thought, “Good for her!” Our office is like a big family.
When I saw her, I asked her how the grief counseling went and if it helped. I said it to show I care about her; I didn’t necessarily want details. Tammy looked at me deadpan and said, “Did you really just ask me that?” I knew then that I had overstepped, but I’m not sure how. I responded, “I’m sorry. Is that not appropriate to ask?” She responded “No.” But then her tone shifted, and she did thank me for my concern. I retreated to my office slightly embarrassed.
Abby, did I commit a faux pas by inquiring into her private grief journey? I didn’t think asking how a therapy group meeting went would cross that line, but I guess it did. — CARING, NOT PRYING IN OHIO
DEAR CARING: Not everyone reacts in the same way to the loss of a loved one such as a spouse, a child or a parent. Some people want to talk about it; others prefer to sort out their feelings and be allowed some privacy. What happens in group therapy is supposed to stay in the group rather than be turned into office conversation. It would have been more sensitive had you asked Tammy how she is doing without being so specific.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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