DEAR ABBY: For the past three years, my family has had reunions with my older half-sister, “Sybil.” We did not grow up together, and we have very different lifestyles. I grew up with little money and numerous hardships; Sybil grew up having every need and want met. She’s successful and wealthy.
I am proud of her and everything she has accomplished, but she is difficult to be around. Sybil is materialistic and talks constantly about everything she has. She’s class-conscious and uncomfortable in “low-class” environments, like affordable restaurants and stores. It literally makes me ill.
I can no longer spend time with Sybil, which is why I won’t be able to show up for family reunions the way I did before. How do I let Sybil know I can’t do anything more than grab a bite to eat or have a cup of coffee to catch up? I don’t want to hurt or offend her. How can I explain why I can no longer spend time with her? — INCOMPATIBLE IN MONTANA
DEAR INCOMPATIBLE: How about telling Sybil that you are busy and won’t be coming to all of the gatherings that you used to attend, but you would love to catch up with her for a cup of coffee when they are over or at a later date? You do not have to give her or any other relative a more detailed explanation than that.
DEAR ABBY: We live on a street with garage access via a commercial alley. My neighbor uses his garage to store a collector’s vehicle along with bicycles and other boxed items. Every few months, he removes the car to clean his garage. He doesn’t sweep; he blows the trash from the garage into the middle of the alley into a pile. Then he returns the car and other items, closes the garage door and leaves his trash in the alley.
Last week, the trash pile was 20 feet long, 3 feet wide and 3 inches high. The wind and cars that drive over the pile scatter the debris into neighbors’ lots, commercial property parking areas, etc. On several occasions, I have spoken to him nicely, as have other neighbors, about sweeping up the pile and putting it into the trash receptacle, which is within 5 feet of the pile(s). The debris ultimately enters storm drains and the adjacent river, which pollutes our shoreline and environment.
This man always responds with “good to know” and “will do so next time,” but the behavior hasn’t changed in 10 years. He’s a well-educated high school teacher at a prestigious school, so we are baffled about why he continues to trash the neighborhood with his mess. Any advice on what can be done? — EXASPERATED IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR EXASPERATED: I think 10 years is long enough to wait for your neighbor to show some consideration, don’t you? Pick up the phone and contact your city’s code enforcement bureau and report the address where this is happening. The bureau can help by sending an inspector to the property to assess and take photos. A case will be created if the property owner does not comply with the city’s regulations.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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