DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 31 years. We have a great marriage. We work from home, so we spend pretty much every minute together and enjoy each other’s company so much that it isn’t an issue. That said, I will also share that I’m a basement musician. It’s my hobby. I play guitar and sing. In the past, I have appeared in bands as well as solo formats. I’m also a pretty good songwriter. I have written a number of songs, including several about my wife and the love we share.
My challenge is that my wife isn’t very musical. She can go days at a time without listening to any music at all. In the big scheme of things, this might not sound like a huge deal. I am cool with it. But in all our 31 years together, she has never asked me to play anything for her — none of the songs I have written for her or covers of famous songs.
I have pointed this fact out to her more than once, hoping to drop a hint that, even if she doesn’t appreciate music, asking me to sing one of those songs for her would make me feel like she appreciated the effort and thought. When friends and family ask me to play them, she always says she likes them, but the requests never come from her. Am I asking too much to expect it, or should I just let it go and stop writing them? — STILL WAITING IN VIRGINIA
DEAR STILL WAITING: Face it — the woman you married 31 years ago has never been a music lover, regardless of who the composer is. However, writing songs about your feelings is a form of free expression, and I don’t think you should quit doing it if it’s satisfying for you.
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DEAR ABBY: I am a single, retired female. I have a personal side business that keeps me quite busy, and I’m blessed to have many friends. I am also active in community and church events. My issue is that a lot of my friends who are inactive and retired invite me to dinners, the theater and parties, sometimes at the very last minute. Then they become annoyed when I decline. They also endlessly keep me tied up on the phone or on text messages with utter nonsense.
I am a people-pleaser and feel bad when I must decline an invitation. I have proper manners and know etiquette, but this has become frustrating and annoying. I have endlessly responded with, “I would love to go, but I need advance notice,” to no avail. What to do? — PERPLEXED IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR PERPLEXED: Because you are a people-pleaser and want to offend no one, continue responding as you already do, “I’d love to go, but I need more advance notice than you have given me.” While you’re at it, it isn’t rude to be too busy to chat if someone calls at an inopportune time. (You can always screen your calls if they are oppressive, and take your time responding to their texts.)
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Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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