Today’s digital dating world is full of flaky, noncommittal people. And unfortunately, what comes with that is a sea of single people dating someone they have a connection with, but keeping it a secret.
If you have a hunch that your lover is purposely not posting you on their Instagram feed, not bringing you along to Aunt Debbie’s birthday party, or is avoiding introducing you to their friends — they’re most likely “pocketing” you.
While it’s hurtful to be on the receiving end of this, experts say being pocketed is not always something personal against you.
“While pocketing can be frustrating and hurt the trust in a relationship, there are plenty of reasons why someone is pocketing,” Amanda E. White, LPC told Women’s Health in an interview.
“It could be out of fear, it could be because of past relationships that didn’t work out. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re not into you or that the relationship has no hope.”
As contrary as it sounds, “Dr. Chloe” Carmichael told the outlet that sometimes, if someone is holding out on bringing the person they’re dating into their world, it could be because they like them and aren’t sure how best to handle their feelings.
“…sometimes people really just want to tread lightly while a relationship is in a new or delicate stage,” Carmichael explained.
On the other hand, you could also be dating someone who wants to be sneaky and act single so they could date around.
That seems to be the case for one woman who shared her conflicting pocketing situation on Reddit to seek advice from strangers.
“[My boyfriend and I] have been together for 4 years, live together, and have talked about many future plans,” the OP wrote.
“We are, on paper, a secure long-term couple. But my boyfriend confuses me about what I am for him when he denies me spending time with him and his family during important family events, and I have literally never met his friends (at all).”
Yikes.
“Each time we have had conversations about this, they end in arguments,” she wrote.
“The reasons are always different on why I can’t go, and 90% of those reasons have a solid solution. I’ve seen my boyfriend work around plans to make something work, but when it comes to his PERSONAL LIFE, that’s a no.”
As expected, the comment section was flooded with people pointing out the obvious to this distressed girlfriend.
“Sounds like he’s hiding something, or wants to hide you,” one comment read.
“Whatever the reason for it is, it’s not good. He most likely either is embarrassed or thinks he can do better,” another user chimed in.
If this Reddit story hits close to home, experts suggest talking to your partner about it.
“Ask with curiosity, rather than accusation,” White says.
“Make it clear from the start that you’re not judging them; you’re just curious about the situation.” Use phrases like, ‘This is something I noticed’ or ‘The story I’m telling myself is X, am I reading things right?’” added Carmichael.
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