A woman received an outpouring of support after revealing that her boyfriend of five years rarely compliments her home-cooked meals – yet gushes over takeout and leftovers from work.
It caused a huge blowout between them, she said on Reddit, and sparked a debate online, too.
“Yesterday, I made a meal from scratch and, as usual, he ate it silently and only said it was good after I asked,” the woman wrote on the platform recently. “Then, today, we had a meal he brought from work and immediately reacted with an enthusiastic, ‘Mmm.’”
“That hit a nerve,” she admitted. “I blew up.”
In the midst of the argument, the boyfriend claimed he tries to compliment her cooking but often forgets. That only made her more upset, the woman shared.
“Why does he have to try so hard?” she wrote. “I don’t want forced compliments. I just want him to be honest.”
The 25-year-old woman, who also shared that she is Slavic, described herself as an accomplished home cook.
“Everything you can name, I can cook,” she said in the comments section, adding that she prepares dishes from their shared cultural background, as well as Chinese, Thai and more.
Her boyfriend, she noted, grew up in a household in which home-cooked meals were the norm and takeout was a treat.
“Now I’m wondering if I overreacted,” she wrote.
Most users sided with her.
“Cooking is a labor of love,” one commenter wrote. “Your guy doesn’t understand that, but he needs to learn.”
Said another person, “My [significant other] thanks me and compliments me even if it doesn’t turn out that great. He’s not just complimenting the food, he’s grateful for my time and effort.”
Melanie Williams, a Baltimore-based psychotherapist, said it boils down to one of the most common relationship problems she sees.
“It’s entitlement,” she told Fox News Digital.
“She was right to speak up because if she didn’t address it now, his entitlement would likely have continued and worsened.”
But not everyone agreed.
One person said the girlfriend was being too “touchy.”
Another said, “Cook for him either because you enjoy it or because you’ve mutually determined it’s your fair share of the household labor. Not something to start a fight over.”
Other people said compliments can’t be forced.
“She’s pouring energy into this relationship, and he’s acting like dinner magically appears from the kitchen staff.”
“Otherwise it’s performative and what’s the point of that?” one person wrote.
But certified life and parenting coach Randi Crawford of California said it’s all about being seen.
“She’s pouring energy into this relationship, and he’s acting like dinner magically appears from the kitchen staff,” Crawford said.
The woman should sit her boyfriend down and tell him she is hurt, Crawford said.
“Say, ‘I don’t need a production every night, but I do need you to notice me, not just the DoorDash guy,’” she advised.
“And if he can’t do that? Stop bending over backwards and let him know: ‘Appreciation isn’t optional in this relationship – it’s the bare minimum,’” Crawford added.
“And if he still doesn’t get it? Let’s see how quiet he gets when your kitchen is closed for business.”
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