Who needs a gym when you’ve got a bedroom?
Getting hot and heavy between the sheets isn’t just good for your love life — it can double as a sweaty, calorie-torching workout that leaves you lighter on the scale.
Enter NowPatient. The telehealth provider has launched a cheeky new “sexercise calculator” that reveals exactly how many calories you can expect to burn in every position.
But don’t go jumping into bed cold.
“Make sure you are fed and hydrated because to get in a significant workout from sex, you want to aim for the full 30 minutes,” Emma Hewitt, a certified sex educator, told The Healthy.
That might be a tall order. One study found that the average heterosexual romp lasts only about five and a half minutes.
That means to really work up a sweat, you’ll need to go beyond the average quickie.
You can maximize your workout with the “butter churner,” NowPatient’s top-ranked move on their “sexercise calculator.” One partner lies on their back, lifting hips and legs like a yoga shoulder stand, while the other squats overhead and penetrates from above.
Also known as the squat thruster, it gives the penetrating partner a serious lower-body workout, burning a whopping 211 calories in just 30 minutes.
The receiving partner doesn’t get off easy either, engaging their core, shoulders, and back while pulling off a full-body stretch. Though the calculator doesn’t give their exact burn, other estimates peg it around 106 calories per half hour.
An extra perk? “This position is fabulous for deep penetration, as well as G-Spot or P-Spot stimulation,” kink instructor and sex expert Julieta Chiaramonte told Men’s Health.
But beware: “If you struggle with flexibility or general bodily strength, being almost upside down, or don’t like being compressed into a weird shape, [then] the Butter Churner isn’t for you,” she warned.
If that’s the case, standing sex might be a better bet. This position, which ranks second in the calorie-burning competition, burns 198 calories for the penetrating partner and 145 for the receiver over 30 minutes.
The upright endeavor demands core strength, balance and upper-body power, especially for the person doing the heavy lifting.
But female pleasure may come up short: a previous study pegged standing sex as one of the worst positions for female orgasms at just 17%.
Doggy style rounds out the top three calorie-burning bedroom moves, helping the giving partner torch 182 calories and the receiver burn 103 every 30 minutes, according to NowPatient.
In this position, the person on all fours gets a solid glute and quad workout, while the giver can crank up the cardio — especially if they pick up the pace.
And ladies, don’t have to miss out. Research shows that doggy style leads to the most female orgasms, with a whopping 79% hitting the finish line.
Next up, the “kneeling wheelbarrow.” For this, one partner gets on all fours while the other hoists them up by the hips — an acrobatic move that works your arms, core and balance.
The penetrating partner can expect to torch about 167 calories in 30 minutes, while the receiver burns roughly 149.
Coming in fifth is the lotus position, a sensual, face-to-face embrace where one partner sits cross-legged while the other straddles them.
Both lovers get a gentle but effective core workout, plus hips and thigh action, while burning around 148 calories in 30 minutes.
Other steamy moves that torch more than 100 calories per half hour include the eagle, legs-up and spooning, according to NowPatient.
But after that, the burn starts to cool off. The “sexercise calculator” estimates that sixty-nine zaps just 78 calories every 30 minutes. The squat position clocks in at 50 calories, while reverse cowgirl drops to 48.
Dead last on the calorie-burning leaderboard: the classic cowgirl, burning a mere 39 calories per half hour.
But there’s one thing NowPatient’s calculator doesn’t factor in that could boost your burn: foreplay.
Research shows that the more time you spend on oral sex, petting, kissing and other mood-setters, the more calories you’ll torch. In fact, a 160-pound woman can burn about 145 calories just giving a 30-minute massage.
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