A Harvard professor revealed the No. 1 thing every marriage should have for it to last a lifetime.
Since superficial things like looks, money and chemistry can fade over time — the one thing that a long-lasting marriage should be built on is friendship, according to Arthur Brooks, a social science expert and professor who devoted his career to studying love, originally reported on by the Daily Mail.
“The goal of your marriage is not passion, it’s friendship. This is the goal, you must be close friends, ideally best friends, with your spouse,” Brooks said during his appearance on The Drive podcast.
“One of the most important things for a happy life is a partnership with somebody who will be the last person who you set eyes on as you take your last dying breath…”
During the conversation, Brooks also rattled off some tell-tale signs that indicated a marriage is headed for divorce — and loneliness is one of them.
“One of the greatest predictors of divorce is partners who are lonely while living together and this [means] that the only thing you have in common is your kids,” he explained.
Oftentimes, couples spend much of their marriage focusing only on their kids, and when they grow into adults who eventually flee the coop — they’re left feeling empty and lost, unsure what their marriage consists of outside of raising their children.
“[When] that one point of commonality disappears and you’re sitting across the table blinking at each other during dinner and not talking because you literally have nothing to talk about,” the expert pointed out.
“They [couples] should develop philosophical interests in common, they’re talking about deep things. There’s got to be something bigger than ‘Did you change his diaper?’ because that’s not going to be in common forever and you’re going to be lonely in your relationship.”
In addition to having things in common with your spouse that don’t revolve around your kids — having strong relationships outside of your marriage is also key.
“You’ve got to work on these things for sure for a lot of reasons besides the fact that it’s just healthy and good. You might, at some point, be left alone if you’re widowed. You don’t want to be alone under those circumstances,” he explained.
These aren’t the only things to maintain a healthy marriage — separate bathrooms, or at least more space in one, could also do the trick.
Sharing a bathroom with her husband was causing turmoil in Debbie Wiener’s marriage, so she decided to have a “bathroom divorce.”
“As you get older, your gastrointestinal needs change,” Wiener told The Post. “My husband’s habits didn’t age well. One toilet was not cutting it.”
This frustrated wife resolved her bathroom sharing woes by creating a bathroom suite, with two of everything.
“All my neighbors lined up to see my bathroom. Every time I tell a woman about my bathroom, she is, like, ‘OMG I want that.’ This is the next step after a sleep divorce. You can share a vanity without sharing cooties. You can share a wet room but not a toilet,” she said.
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