Give Sabrina Carpenter the Grammy Award for Best Comedy Album.
The pop princess, 26, is wittier than ever on Man’s Best Friend (released Friday, August 29), turning her hookups and heartbreaks into LOL-worthy one-liners.
Carpenter roasts her ex-boyfriends and former flings throughout the unapologetic 12-track album, which features the same bawdy lyricism that became her signature on 2022’s Emails I Can’t Send and 2024’s Short n’ Sweet.
“The album is not for any pearl-clutchers,” she told Gayle King in a CBS Mornings interview airing Friday. “But I also think that even pearl-clutchers can listen to an album like that in their own solitude and find something that makes them smirk and chuckle to themselves.”
Carpenter announced Man’s Best Friend in June, immediately causing a stir with cover art showing the former Disney star on her hands and knees while a man grabs her hair. The polarizing photo led one X user to wonder whether Carpenter has “a personality outside of sex,” to which the “Espresso” singer clapped back, “Girl yes and it is goooooood.”
Carpenter subsequently revealed an alternate cover in which she is seen wearing a gown at a black-tie event. She joked that the new image was “approved by God.”
Carpenter is just as much of a comedian on the album itself. Read the 10 funniest lyrics from Man’s Best Friend below.
“Manchild”
On the country-influenced lead single, Carpenter asks an immature ex in her best caveman-speak, “Why so sexy if so dumb? / And how survive the Earth so long?”
“Tears”
Carpenter pushes the envelope in the chorus of the album’s second single: “I get wet at the thought of you / Being a responsible guy / Treating me like you’re supposed to do / Tears run down my thighs.”
“My Man on Willpower”
“He’s busy, he’s working, he doesn’t have time for me,” Carpenter laments of a lover who’s lost interest in her. “My slutty pajamas not tempting him in the least.”
“We Almost Broke Up Again Last Night”
Carpenter chronicles a turbulent romance on its last legs, singing, “You say we’re driftin’ apart / I said, ‘Yeah, I f***in’ know’ / Big deal, we’ve been here before / And we’ll be here tomorrow.”
“Never Getting Laid”
Carpenter is a voodoo vixen as she wishes “abstinence” — and then some — on a past partner: “I just hope you get agoraphobia someday.”
“When Did You Get Hot?”
When Carpenter runs into “a sexy man” she once knew to be “an ugly kid,” she tells him, “Congratulations on your new improvements / I bet your light rod’s, like, bigger than Zeus’s.”
“Go Go Juice”
Carpenter finds herself reaching for her phone during a night out, admitting, “I’m just drinking to call someone / Ain’t nobody safe when I’m a little bit drunk.”
“Don’t Worry I’ll Make You Worry”
“You think that I’m gonna f*** with your head / Well, you’re absolutely right,” Carpenter warns a new love interest.
“House Tour”
While inviting a guy over for a late-night rendezvous, Carpenter informs him, “I spent a little fortune on the waxed floors / We can be a little reckless ’cause it’s insured.”
“Goodbye”
Carpenter is so fed up with her beau on the album’s closer that she bids him farewell in multiple languages: “Sayonara, adiós / You’re not bilingual, but you should know goodbye.” Later, she doubles down, “Arrivederci, au revoir / Forgive my French, but f*** you, ta-ta.”
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