We have a lot to think about as parents.
From TOG ratings on sleep sacks to weekend sports schedules and remembering to book that overdue dentist appointment, our brains are constantly juggling.
But what about the thoughts we don’t plan for? The intrusive ones that sneak in without warning?
One mother recently took to TikTok to share an intrusive thought many parents have, but few admit out loud.
“If I died in this house right now it’d be a few hours till anybody found out”
Sami, a mom of two, writes “tell me I’m not the only one” on her video.
She explains that her two-year-old son is “somewhat independent.”
“But I know if I were to like drop dead, he would need a lot of help,” she revealed.
It’s a frightening mental spiral, but one that visits her more often than she’d like.
“Sometimes I get in these patterns of thought where I’m like, you know what, if I died in this house right now, it’d be a few hours till anybody found out,” she shared.
So, she plans for it.
“I’ll do stuff like leaving his water bottle on the chair right there, so that he can reach it if he gets thirsty and I’m dead,” she explained.
“Or sometimes I’ll put like a snack up on this counter, but right on the edge of it, just in case I die and he gets hungry before somebody finds him.”
She says her son already knows how to use the fridge’s water dispenser.
Normally, he’s not allowed to use it because water goes everywhere, but Sami made sure he could in case of an emergency.
“In my mind, I was like, this is in case I die and you have to get your own water,” she said.
“When you become a mother the fear of dying is real.”
Commenters on her video were quick to relate.
“Truly the invisible load of motherhood right here,” one person writes.
“I give my son a kiss and tell him I love him every single time I put him in the car seat, in case we get in a car accident and it’s my last time to kiss and tell him,” another mother shared.
“When you become a mother, the fear of dying is real,” a third added.
Sami now knows she’s far from alone.
“Every single one of my intrusive thoughts as a mother has been had by another mother,” she realizes.
In fact, more than 80% of expecting and new parents experience intrusive thoughts, according to Gidget Foundation Australia.
“They may make expectant and new parents feel like they are going crazy, but they are not,” the organization explains.
Health professionals at Gidget recommend that when an intrusive thought arises, parents should label it as “intrusive”, remind themselves that it is not who they are, and allow time for it to pass.
If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or are experiencing a mental health crisis, you can call or text 988 or chat at 988lifeline.org for free and confidential crisis counseling.
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