Run for the hills.
When a couple gets married, there are obviously sacrifices both sides have to make — and spending time with in-laws might be one of them.
But one girlfriend found herself sacrificing every single weekend or quality future-in-law time before she even walked down the aisle.
Unsure if she was in the wrong, the woman took to the r/AmITheJerk forum on Reddit to explain her situation, which, to be frank, would make anyone in her shoes go bananas.
“I have spent roughly 40 of the last 52 weekends at my boyfriend’s parents’ house. I counted because I needed to be sure I wasn’t dramatizing before opening my mouth. We’ve been together for three years and somewhere around month fourteen this just became the standing plan without anyone officially deciding it: Friday evening, drive 45 minutes out, eat dinner with his parents, watch something on TV, sleep there, spend Saturday doing whatever his mom has planned, drive home Sunday afternoon,” she wrote.
The original poster emphasized that his parents are genuinely nice people and this rant isn’t personal, but as a 31-year-old woman, she has her own life that she doesn’t want to limit to weekdays.
“I raised it carefully about two months ago, framed it as a personal need rather than a complaint. I said I’d love to visit every other weekend, maybe once a month during busy periods, and that the current frequency was slowly draining me. He seemed to hear it. I thought we were good,” she continued.
She said the future-in-law sightings eased up for maybe three weeks before resuming as they had before this frustrated girlfriend spoke up.
After finally putting her foot down to say she wasn’t going one of the weekends, her boyfriend told her that his mom was feeling the tension and “then said I had ‘made her feel bad’ by pulling back. I don’t know how she knew since I never spoke to her about any of this, which means he told her himself, and now the whole thing has somehow shifted from my actual need for personal time to managing her feelings about my absence.”
What a doozy of a story.
The writing is on the wall of what’s going on here — and the commenters on the thread were quick to agree.
“NTA. Wanting two adult days that don’t automatically belong to his parents is pretty normal. The weird part is him turning your schedule into a group family issue,” one commenter wrote.
“Even in your 20s, I’d be side-eyeing this. In your 30s? Yeesh. OP has problems down the line,” another pointed out.
“He went and tattled to his mommy. Also, start making plans in your location to explore those things. And then do them,” suggested someone.
“Sit him down and address the triangulation. ‘When you told your mom I was ‘pulling back’ instead of explaining that we need time as a couple, you made me the villain. I’m not ‘distant’; I’m an adult with a life. From now on, I will be visiting once a month. I need you to support that boundary without making it about her being ‘hurt,’” advised another commenter.
“You are in a relationship with a manchild who needs his mommy. Move on, this is never going to change,” quipped someone else.
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