Have you ever pushed your child to sign up for soccer because all the other parents did? Or gotten mad at them for a bad grade because you worry about what the teacher thinks?
You might need to check your ego at the door if you answered yes to any of those questions.
Though not a formal parenting style, this behavior pattern emerges when a parent feels the need to assert control or protect their image, even at the expense of their child’s emotional well-being.
“Ego parenting is when a parent is parenting from their own need to feel good, right, in control, or validated,” mental health therapist Cheryl Groskopf told Pop Sugar.
“It’s less about supporting the child’s growth and more about protecting the parent’s image or feelings.”
Examples of this style are refusing to back down in an argument, pushing a child into activities they don’t enjoy for the sake of appearances or avoiding apologies to maintain authority.
Dr. Caroline Fenkel, an expert in adolescent mental health, warns that while ego parenting isn’t always intentional, its effects can be long-lasting — and you could accidentally be teaching your kids that your love is conditional.
“They often internalize the belief that love is conditional — that they’re only worthy when they perform, behave, or feel a certain way,” Fenkel told Pop Sugar.
This can lead to anxiety, perfectionism, low self-esteem and a fear of failure.
To break the cycle of ego parenting, it first needs to be acknowledged.
“When you catch yourself reacting from ego, try to pause and ask, ‘Is this about my child’s needs or my own discomfort?’” Dr. Fenkel advised. “Self-awareness is the entry point to change.”
Instead of trying to win every disagreement, parents can choose to lean into curiosity: listen to their child, validate their feelings and try to understand what’s really going on.
Perhaps most importantly, learn to apologize. Admitting when you’ve made a mistake doesn’t weaken your authority — it models accountability and resilience.
“When a parent admits they were wrong, it gives a child permission to be imperfect, too,” Dr. Fenkel says.
“It shows them that relationships can bend without breaking, that repair is possible, and that accountability is a strength.”
Letting go of ego and embracing humility creates a safer, healthier emotional environment for your kids.
Parenting isn’t about control — it’s about connection.
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