It’s time to reevaluate things.
Nowadays, with people sharing every aspect of their romantic relationships online, it’s hard to know what’s real from what’s not.
But according to experts — instead of comparing your romantic life to what you see on social media, pay attention to whether you’re receiving these specific “bare-minimum” behaviors from your partner or not.
“We see grand gestures online, and inevitably compare them to our own relationships. It’s tempting to forget how it’s the consistency in small gestures that really brings people closer,” said Charisse Cooke, MNCPS-accredited psychotherapist and resident dating expert at the dating app Flirtini.
If you think being showered with flowers and gifts is the type of behavior that must be in your relationship, think again. Cooke points out that “reliability, attention and mutual respect” are what you should be expecting.
A healthy relationship is about an equal partnership, so while one person should never expect the other to book every trip or dinner reservation — “bare minimum means both of you take the initiative regularly,” Cooke explained.
“Saying ‘I got us tickets to this concert’ or ‘I’ll cook that meal’ goes a long way, because it shows you’re invested in your shared life and not just joy-riding it.”
Thoughtfulness is another behavior that everyone should strive to have in their relationship.
Instead of asking your partner basic questions like “How’s your day?” Cooke suggests putting more thought into it and instead asking more specific questions such as, “How did the pitch go?”
“It shows how care enough to remember the things that matter to them. Avoid chatbot-like conversations at all costs,” the expert said.
Posting your significant other on social media is a controversial topic. Some people flood their followers with cutesy pictures of themselves and their partner — while others prefer to keep their love life more private online.
However, Cooke has her own thoughts on the topic.
“Liking half-naked influencers every day and only posting your partner once a month? Anyone will tell you that’s below the line, and they’d be right. The bare minimum dictates us to make our partners a visible part of our digital lives,” she said.
Keeping with the theme of two people in a relationship, treating each other like equals — doing things without your loved one asking is major green flag behavior.
“Mundane tasks are the devil, that’s what also makes them a great opportunity to show you care. Pushing your partner to perform more invisible labour makes them both tired and resentful. So do not opt out,” said Cooke.
The fifth bare minimum behavior all relationships should have is knowing how to smooth things over after some conflict.
“Many people expect a perfect couple to never fight at all, while in fact it’s more about having the guts to always circle back after one,” the expert explained.
“The bare minimum is repairing together, at least, some of the time. A text like ‘I was harsh earlier, can we talk?’ reestablishes your trust, while prolonged silence and withdrawal signal emotional absence and really harm relationships.”
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