Becoming somebody’s wife isn’t something New Yorker Karly B., 29, ever wanted for herself.
Happily in love with her boyfriend of nine years? Check.
Marrying him? Absolutely not.
That’s no reflection on Matt H., 30, according to Karly, who works for a PR and branding agency and asked that the couple’s last names not be used. Before the pair met, the 29-year-old had always made it a point to avoid romantic involvements with the kind of men who wanted wedding bells and kids.
“It was a very prominent ground rule for me before entering any sort of relationship,” the East Village dweller told The Post. “I don’t necessarily need a contract that tells me my status with my partner or tells me that I love him more than I would without one. I know exactly how we feel about each other, and I feel good just with that.”
While so many of Karly’s single-and-searching counterparts swipe endlessly on dating apps hoping for their happily-ever-after, she was “never the girl who makes a Pinterest board for her wedding or dreams about what it would look like.”
Putting a ring on it, locking things down, heading to city hall for a piece of paper — not for Karly whose parents are divorced but aren’t the reason she doesn’t want marriage. When the Pennsylvania natives, who met on Tinder, are questioned about plans to get hitched, the 29-year-old is brutally honest with them.
“I usually say, ‘That’s not something I want for myself’ or ‘We’re never going to do that,’” Karly admitted to The Post. “I think, me saying that, that makes them think that there’s something wrong with our relationship, but no. I made the decision, he’s along with it, and that’s fine.”
Karly is among a slew of women her age, either single or in a monogamous heterosexual relationship, who are adamant about never marrying and are considered the “I don’t” generation. Nearly half of U.S. women now say they don’t think getting married is necessary for a fulfilled life, according to a 2023 Pew Research Center study — giving the side-eye to a tradition they feel no longer serves them.
“There’s a wave of women either rethinking marriage or skipping it altogether — and it’s getting louder every year. It’s about autonomy, peace and building lives around what feels right, not what tradition dictates,” relationship coach Dr. Jacquie Del Rosario told The Post.
When dating for as long as they have, Karly said she and Matt have been through it all together: long-distance dating, college graduation and leaving jobs at the same time. “But still, nine years, l don’t want to get married, and he knows that,” she said. Even though, she admitted, he would love to — if she agreed.
“I’m the one who’s pushing this harder than he is, but he’s known since day one. If there’s ever even a thought that he wants marriage and wants a family beyond what I can give him, then we would need to break up and figure that out in our own ways,” Karly said.
Considering today’s generation of young, independent women is surpassing men in earning college degrees, buying homes on their own, which has nearly doubled over the last 40 years, and achieving C-suite positions at Fortune 500 Companies, which has increased from 15% to 29% over the past eight years, the million-dollar question remains: Do women benefit at all from marriage in 2025?
“There is evidence out there that men do actually gain more health and emotional benefits from marriage, as they usually receive more support than they give out,” Mike Kocsis, a hormone health expert at Balance My Hormones, told The Post. “Without balanced responsibilities, marriage can feel more beneficial for men.”
Jess Iacullo, 30, couldn’t agree more.
She and her boyfriend, Ross Antonich, 32, have been dating for five years, are head over heels for each other, but she doesn’t see a wedding in their future.
As the oldest daughter of three, the New Jersey native, who owns her own social media marketing and content creation agency, told The Post that growing up, she’s always been independent and career-oriented, never giving relationships or marriage much thought, despite being raised by happily married parents.
“I never was, like, ‘Oh, I’ll wear this wedding dress, or I can’t wait to have a big wedding.’ Instead, I would watch rom-coms and think, ‘I want that career. I want her closet,’” she shared with The Post.
And now in her 30s, Iacullo shudders at the archaic concept of saying, “I do,” even to a man she loves, because she believes that becoming a wife subconsciously forces women to give up a part of themselves.
“I feel like I have such a rooted self-identity. I don’t think I have witnessed many marriages where the woman doesn’t lose herself in the identity of her marriage. Instead of [remaining] an ‘I,’ she becomes a ‘we,’” the 30-year-old explained.
Despite knowing they want to spend their lives together, Iacullo told The Post that she and her musician boyfriend, who both currently live in Pittsburgh but are in no rush to move in together, have been on the “no marriage” bandwagon for the duration of their relationship.
Or, at least, Ross has acquiesced to his partner’s choices. “Marriage appears to be the best when the parties involved really want it and each other,” he told The Post. “Its necessity and significance always dwindle when that is not the case.”
Iacullo explained that, instead, “the conversation that we have about our future is [more] about how we see each other’s careers and how we see our future together in that sense, which I feel matters more than, ‘OK, when do we want to get engaged or get married?’”
Iacullo said that, regardless of how far women have come in society, she feels that once a couple enters husband and wife territory, it’s hard for them to avoid falling into stereotypical gender roles.
“Some men really want a girl who will cook and clean for them. So they want to date their mom? I can’t even imagine being with someone who would expect those things,” the entrepreneur revealed.
It seems that women these days want equal partnership, not a man-child husband they have to take care of.
“Our generation has more freedom and more options than our parents ever dreamed of. Economic independence means nobody has to marry for survival,” Del Rosario pointed out.
“The emotional labor women saw their moms shoulder — organizing households, managing everyone’s happiness — doesn’t look appealing if it’s not balanced. Nobody wants to ‘lose themselves’ to unpaid work or someone else’s dreams. If marriage is on the table, it’s going to be on equal terms, without sacrificing selfhood,” the expert explained to The Post.
But not all men agree.
A 33-year-old single male New Yorker who preferred to remain anonymous told The Post, “I understand why women today feel like marriage doesn’t benefit them anymore, but it is disheartening to many of us good guys who want an equal partnership and would never expect our wives to be a ‘mother’ figure to us.
“I grew up watching my parents’ love for one another, and I always yearned for that type of bond. For me, marriage feels like a way to make our love official and celebrate it in front of our closest friends and family. Sure, it’s a piece of paper … but one that holds a lot of weight for me and I would hope for my future wife.”
Chloe Bow, 33, heavily disagrees. After breaking off an engagement to a long-term partner, she realized she didn’t want to sacrifice her selfhood for marriage.
As difficult a decision as it was to break up with her ex, whom she had known and dated throughout her 20s, Bow ended her engagement to find happiness, which, as a single person, “has been so rewarding and fulfilling,” she said.
“I think we as women, especially millennial women, have been fed this narrative [through movies and the media] of the girl and the guy getting together, they get married, they have kids, they get the house, and they live happily ever after,” she explained to The Post. “What I realized was that it [marriage] wasn’t really translating to my happiness, and I think it would be more of a hindrance.”
The former social worker-turned-content-creator admitted that ending her engagement made her question whether she wanted to get married at all.
“The more that I spent time leaning into these conversations, talking to more women, especially listening to women online, I was, like, ‘OK, there’s a whole movement of this happening, and I feel like I’m aligned with this way of thinking. I don’t want marriage. This doesn’t seem like it’s going to benefit me,’” the Toronto resident explained.
“I just can’t really remember a time when I was consistently happy, comfortable, relaxed and enjoying my life while I was in a relationship or dating,” she admitted to The Post. “There was always a worry, a stress, an annoyance, or a frustration, and it just never felt as peaceful as it was just focusing on me.“
These days, Bow’s happiness stems from the independent life she created for herself — and her new puppy.
“One thing I’ve been practicing is just complete, radical acceptance of myself. Not having any shame, not feeling bad about any of my decisions, just trying to accept myself and enjoy my life,” which she told The Post might include a cozy night in, spending time with friends, or traveling the world.
“If I’m lucky enough to become an old woman and look back on my life, I don’t want to waste a minute worrying that I didn’t enjoy it.”
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