Sticks and bones may break my bones, but words can destroy a romantic bond.
Psychologist and author Jeffrey Bernstein has revealed three “toxic phrases” that people should never say to their partner if they want to keep their relationship strong.
“When we first meet, and during the embryonic stages of loving relationships, we tend to be on our best behavior,” said the mind doc while writing for Psychology Today. “Yet, way too often, over time, we let down our guard and allow ourselves to respond to our partners in ways that don’t feel good.”
If these phrases become habitual, one’s relationship is likely “doomed to fail,” he said.
According to Bernstein, the three verbal turnoffs are “you’re overreacting,” “it’s no big deal,” and “you’re too sensitive.”
“Even if you’re trying to calm things down, such responses can feel dismissive and lead to your partner feeling judged,” said the psychologist who outlines these romance-eroding expressions in his book “Why Can’t You Read My Mind?”
Dr Bernstein, who is also a counselor, cited the example of how one relationship was killed by these discouraging phrases.
“A few years ago, Lisa came to see me because she was struggling in her marriage with Aaron,’ he explained. “She said, ‘In the earlier days, Aaron would tell me he was crazy about me, but in the last couple of years, all he does is tell me I’m crazy when I try to talk to him about important things in our relationship.’”
Their relationship ended several months later.
Another surefire way to jeopardize one’s relationship? “Keeping score,” according to Bernstein, who defined this behavior as mentally tallying things like “who apologized last, initiated intimacy, or picked up around the house.”
This reportedly “breeds resentment and power struggles,” he said.
Bernstein also warned couples off of “stonewalling’ or shutting down and refusing to communicate.
“Given that the hallmark of any healthy relationship is the ability to have calm, constructive conversations, stonewalling does not bode well for any relationship’s future,” he warned.
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