DEAR ABBY: When my husband was a teenager 20 years ago, he had a two-year online relationship with a girl who lives in Georgia. I know they met each other only a couple of times. We are all in our 30s now, and once in a great while, they contact each other by text or email.
I told him it bothers me that they keep in touch, especially when they say they miss each other. My husband tells me they were “there for each other” when they were younger. Recently, we took a road trip to Florida, and he wanted to stop off in Georgia to see her and so I could meet her. He says that because they never had sex, they weren’t really “going out.” It seems my feelings about this friendship don’t matter. Please advise me, Abby. — UNCERTAIN IN CHICAGO
DEAR UNCERTAIN: I will assume that you nixed the idea of the detour to Georgia. If I’m right, then I think you may have made a mistake. Your husband had a relationship with that girl when they were teenagers. It isn’t surprising that the memory of it is important to both of them. You stated that they don’t communicate often. How is that a threat to you? You won’t endear yourself to your spouse by keeping him on a short leash. Work on resolving your insecurities and loosen the reins. If you do, it will benefit your marriage.
DEAR ABBY: After six years of working closely together, I have developed a raging crush on my co-worker and project partner, “Brett.” It’s a full-on, face-flushing, daydreaming kind of situation, and it’s super annoying. I know this crush is inappropriate and unreciprocated, and I have no intention of acting on it. We are both married, and I would like to stay that way. My strategy has been to spend less time together and work on not being a moron.
I’ve changed my daily schedule so we don’t overlap as often. When we’re traveling, I book different flights so we’re not together all day, etc. The issue now is that I’ve heard from a different co-worker that Brett thinks I’m mad at him and that he’s done something wrong, which is not the case. He’s great, always professional and very good at his job. I don’t want to keep hurting his feelings, but there’s no way I’m going to tell him what’s going on. Besides quitting or going on leave until I can get myself under control, what can I do? — STRICTLY BUSINESS IN THE SOUTH
DEAR STRICTLY: To discuss your crush with Brett would be not only embarrassing but also unprofessional. The co-worker who told you Brett thinks you are mad at him may have intended to be helpful, but unless Brett tells you himself, do not make excuses for distancing yourself. The surest way to get your crush under control is to keep reminding yourself that this kind of thing could destroy your career. That may work even better than a cold shower.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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