DEAR ABBY: I am frustrated with my husband. We have been together 18 years. When it gets close to my menstrual cycle, he gets into an angry panic for us to be intimate because he travels for work and is home only four nights a week. If we’re not able to, he pouts, then becomes angry and distant, and peppers me for updates to determine how soon we can resume intimacy.
Regardless of how I feel at my time of the month, my feelings are ignored. He claims I “don’t make time for him” even though he’s out most evenings volunteering and doesn’t return until after 11 p.m. My day starts at 6:30 a.m., and I can’t stay up that late and function the next day. Is it right for him to be angry with me over something my body does naturally? Is it my duty to make sure he’s satisfied before my cycle comes? — BLAMED IN CANADA
DEAR BLAMED: You appear to be married to an ignorant bully. It is not right for your husband to be angry over something your body does naturally. Is it your “duty” to make sure he is satisfied, whether you are tired or concerned about an early wake-up call, even if he makes a habit of being out of the house until nearly midnight? Mmmm, I don’t think so. If this is your husband’s method of foreplay, he could use some lessons. This is why I strongly suggest the two of you hash this out and reach a compromise with the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist.
P.S. Sex in marriage is supposed to be consensual, a loving act of communication, not submission to domination.
DEAR ABBY: I lost my husband to cancer five months ago. When I listen to sad music or watch a sad movie, I think of him and cry. He was a good man who had a lot of friends who cared about him. He also loved life.
I spent all my time taking care of him until the day he died. I did everything for him while he was home and stayed by his side. When he died, I held his hand and kissed him goodbye. Will I ever find another husband to spend my life with? What should I do now? — LOST FOR NOW IN TEXAS
DEAR LOST: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved husband. The void he has left is palpable. Your chances of finding another mate depend upon whether you are prepared to take as good care of yourself as you did the man you lost. By that, I mean keeping yourself busy enough that you don’t have time to be depressed.
Maintain your physical health by getting out of the house and exercising (walking) at least half an hour each day. Rebuild your social life so you aren’t sitting alone at home listening to sad music and brooding. Volunteer in your community. All of these things will expose you to other people and help you be your best self. While I can’t guarantee it will get you a mate, it will improve the odds.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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