DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been amicably married for 16 years. We enjoy each other’s company and are home together a lot. However, over the last year or so, I have had an increasingly hard time hearing what he’s saying. He sits in his chair and mumbles to the point where I can’t tell if he’s talking to me or to himself. He also tries to talk to me from the next room with his back to me, or when I have the sink running. No matter how many times or different ways I ask him to speak up, he doesn’t do it. He says he doesn’t like “shouting” at me and that other people can hear him.
I had my hearing checked by an audiologist, and it’s fine — no change from when I was younger. But he still won’t speak up! I’m so annoyed most of the time that I ignore him unless we’re in the same room and facing each other. Then he gets grumpy with me for not responding or not knowing things he said he told me. How can I get him to understand that it doesn’t matter how loud he thinks he should talk, if I can’t hear him, I can’t hear him? — OUT OF RANGE IN ILLINOIS
DEAR OUT: You have told your husband that unless he gets out of his easy chair and talks directly to you, that you can’t understand what he’s saying. Perhaps if he tried what you are suggesting it would be less frustrating for him. That he would refuse to cooperate without trying is inconsiderate. (Could he be losing it, or is HE having trouble hearing when you talk to him?) Whatever the cause of your communication problem, you may need your hearing rechecked. If you are told again that it’s fine, consult a mediator to get the message across to him.
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 37-year-old guy who has a younger female friend, “Kim,” who lives out of state. I care for her very much, although not romantically. My problem is, I’ve allowed trauma caused by a previous relationship to negatively impact my friendships now. I was cheated on and have trust issues. This caused a lot of problems with my out-of-state friend. (We used to live near each other, but I moved away.)
Kim and I aren’t speaking right now, and sometimes I wonder if she’ll ever talk to me again. This has had an impact on other friendships as well. I want to stop letting this affect my relationships and make amends with my friends, especially Kim. What would be the best way to do this? — WOUNDED IN WYOMING
DEAR WOUNDED: Talking with a licensed mental health professional might help you become less defensive so you don’t drive more people away. For former friends who haven’t blocked your calls or emails, an honest explanation and a sincere apology might be the way to mend fences. As for Kim, you may be able to reopen the lines of communication by writing her a letter telling her how much you miss her friendship and conveying a similar message.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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