DEAR ABBY: I was with the same man for 36 years, but I divorced him three years ago because of his gambling problems.
We came to this country 27 years ago, and ever since then I have been working and providing for us.
He never paid any bills. He was very controlling and pretty much did whatever he pleased. I guess I was so busy trying to make a better life for our son, I didn’t realize how bad it was.
Our son is now 33. There is no relationship between them. He refuses to talk to his father.
We were divorced but still living together, and he was giving me only $500 a month (he’s a truck driver). When I got breast cancer two years ago, he was so mean to me after my first chemo that I had to tell him to leave.
We weren’t in contact for almost a year until he saw me one day in a store (I had no hair and had gained 45 pounds). He looked shocked and started crying.
Since then, we are talking, and he wants to come back. My son is against it. He thinks his dad just wants a safe haven. We are from the same hometown, and it’s hard not to have people gossip.
I survived cancer, but this is confusing, and I don’t know what to do. Deep down, I know he will never change, but … — STAY OR GO IN FLORIDA
DEAR STAY OR GO: Your ex-husband abandoned you while you were in treatment for cancer. Please, for your own sake, listen to your son. He is giving you good advice.
Rather than preoccupy yourself with what people from your old hometown might say, live in the here and now. Remind yourself why you divorced your husband.
He was controlling, was a problem gambler, didn’t contribute financially and did whatever he pleased without regard to you. Cherish and nurture relationships that are mutual, and you will be much happier.
DEAR ABBY: Do you have advice for what to wear to a job interview when the interview is in an office, but the work is mostly going to be outdoors?
I have gotten a callback for a job related to the research I did for my master’s degree. It requires some physical activity in what could be harsh weather conditions.
This is something I am prepared for, but the interviewer might not expect that, as I’m a petite woman and don’t meet the stereotype for the field.
Should I show up in office clothes or the things I would actually wear on the job? I want to show that I know what will be expected, but I also want to be respectful.
For what it’s worth, I asked my mentor and couldn’t get a straight answer. — DRESSING FOR SUCCESS
DEAR DRESSING: If it were me, I would wear slacks and a shirt, making sure they were clean and pressed, and sturdy shoes. It would show you know what would work in the field, but be tidy enough to make a good impression in the office.
I do not think office attire would be appropriate for the interview, and this would be more practical.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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