DEAR ABBY: I am worried about my 21-year-old son, “Travis.” He hasn’t quite left our home that he shares with me and my husband, but he sleeps here only one or two nights. He’s in school part time and works part time, which means working or studying long hours until morning.
What concerns me is where he’s staying. He refuses to reveal his location. He says he’s with a girlfriend we haven’t met, and he stays out all night long. I’m worried there might be a drug problem, too. I try to call him to see if he’s OK, and I have to text and text just to get an answer.
My husband doesn’t worry at all. He tells me to leave Travis alone, that he’s 21 and I am crazy for worrying about what our son is doing. Am I wrong about this? How can I find out what Travis is doing and try to get him help? — WORRIED MAMA IN GEORGIA
DEAR MAMA: Your son is no longer a child. He appears to be handling his job and studies responsibly. At 21, he deserves to have a private life, and you should be able to step back and allow him that. Listen to your husband in this regard. He is steering you in the right direction.
DEAR ABBY: There was a man I knew when I was younger. He was a friend of a friend of mine. I found out years later that he had had a crush on me. Long story short, we went on a date. Apparently, it went better for him than for me. After ONE DATE, I am “Baby,” and he thinks we are a couple! After I moved from California to Alabama, it didn’t deter him from acting like we were a couple.
I texted him, saying I didn’t want to hurt him, but I couldn’t do a long-distance relationship. He sent back a seething text about “not ever contacting him again.” Did I do the wrong thing? Should I have called him? (I was scared to do this.) — CONFUSED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR CONFUSED: The way you handled it was appropriate. You were correct to avoid an unpleasant conversation, particularly because you sensed (rightly) that he wouldn’t take your message well.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 13 years to a wonderful man. A couple of years into our marriage, I was diagnosed with uterine cancer and had to get a hysterectomy. My sister, who is three years older, doesn’t understand what I went through. I wanted children, but now, because of the hysterectomy, I can’t have any. How can I make her (and others) understand that I am grieving? —
DEAR NO ONE’S MOM: I am sorry for your loss, which for many childless women is a painful one. However, not everyone is empathetic enough to understand that this pain is ongoing. To those who, like your sister, do not understand, speak up. However, if this is having a negative impact on your life and relationships, please consider talking about it with a licensed psychotherapist.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at http://www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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