Did you hear? Couples that gossip together stay together.
A new study from UC Riverside, titled “Spill the Tea, Honey: Gossiping Predicts Well-Being in Same- and Different-Gender Couples,” revealed that couples who gossip together are not only bonded more deeply but also happier and more satisfied in their romance.
“Whether or not we want to admit it, everyone gossips,” Chandler Spahr, first author of the study, told UC Riverside. “Gossip is ubiquitous.”
And that might not be such a bad thing.
A team of researchers tracked 76 romantic couples — both same-gender and different-gender — using a portable listening device called the Electronically Activated Recorder (EAR).
This device passively recorded snippets of daily conversation.
However, it is worth noting that the device captured only about 14% of participants’ daily speech, and all the couples recorded were from Southern California.
According to the results, participants gossiped for an average of 38 minutes per day — with nearly 29 of those minutes spent gossiping with their partner.
And everyone was better off for it.
Across the board, couples who gossiped more frequently reported higher levels of personal happiness. Gossip was also linked to better relationship quality, although the effect was slightly less pronounced.
Same-sex couples overall reported higher well-being than their different-sex counterparts — especially woman-woman couples.
Senior author Megan Robbins explained that gossiping may function as a tool of emotional intimacy.
For example, she noted that often after leaving social gatherings together, couples will rehash what they learned from and thought of everybody else in the room.
This kind of post-event gossip — whether playfully catty or positively reflective — helps reinforce emotional alignment and feelings of closeness, trust and solidarity.
“Negatively gossiping with one’s romantic partner on the way home from a party could signal that the couple’s bond is stronger than with their friends at the party, while positively gossiping could prolong the fun experiences,” the study authors wrote.
“It may reinforce the perception that partners are ‘on the same team,’ enhancing feelings of connectedness, trust and other positive relationship qualities, as well as contributing to overall well-being.”
Certified sex and relationship expert Dr. Shamyra Howard explained to The Post that gossiping enhances both emotional and social intimacy — two key types of intimacy.
She defined emotional intimacy as being built when you share feelings, reactions, and little behind-the-scenes truths with your partner and social intimacy as how you navigate the world together.
“Whether it’s harmless gossip, cultural commentary, or your own daily reflections, the magic is in sharing a perspective that belongs to just the two of you. That’s what keeps the bond strong,” she told The Post.
This research builds on Robbins’ earlier 2019 study, which debunked popular myths about gossip — like the belief that women gossip more maliciously or that poorer people gossip more often.
That study found the truth to be more nuanced, suggesting gossip is neither inherently bad nor limited to any one demographic.
Meanwhile, in the new study, researchers didn’t distinguish between positive, negative or neutral gossip, proving that it’s the act of sharing perspectives that counts.
So, if you’re one of the many Americans who say they’re too stressed about money to have sex, maybe try spilling some tea to feel connected to your partner.
However, gossiping isn’t the only way couples can connect on this level.
Dr. Howard shared five ways to connect emotionally and socially that don’t have to do with talking about others:
1. Debrief your day together. Share the high points, the low points, and the “you won’t believe what happened” moments.
2. React to art or media. Watch a show, read an article, or listen to a podcast together and compare thoughts.
3. Plan and reflect on shared experiences. From trips to date nights, reliving and dreaming build your shared story.
4. Swap personal observations. Notice little changes in your environment or community and talk about them.
5. Ask: “What’s your take?” Give each other a random topic, and see where the conversation goes.
Read the full article here
